Last year, when Emma Macpherson’s daughter was taking her GCSEs, she always had to be on call, waiting in the car park outside. “With a history of anxiety, meltdowns, and self-harm after an incident when she was younger, she was so vulnerable that she couldn’t cope with school, so I had to be on hand if it got too much,” says Emma, a mother of two. This meant the only way Emma got any work was by doing it in her car. “I’d use the school Wi-Fi and conduct work calls from the front seat. By this point I’d already had to reduce my workload considerably, and with all the interruptions, I struggled to get much done from the car, but after two suicide attempts, I couldn’t take any chances. I was willing to give up everything to keep her safe.”

Increase in mental disorders

One in five children and young people in England aged eight to 25 had a probable mental disorder in 2023, an increase from one in nine in 2017. Almost one million children and young people in England were referred to mental health services last year, according to the Children’s Commissioner for England. Record numbers of children struggling with anxiety, panic attacks, eating disorders and depression – and the crisis is having a devastating impact on the careers of their mothers, trying to juggle work alongside the many and complex needs of their sick children. (Photo: Carme Parramon/Getty/Digital Vision Vectors)

Loss of income

For Macpherson, 59, a life coach from Perthshire, this has meant a significant loss of income. “I had to turn a lot of work down. In-person workshops were out of the question unless I could get a family member to look after her. Online coaching became impossible. In a normal world, now my kids are older, I could be finally earning some decent money, but I’m not because I’ve had to keep it manageable and low key. But there’s no way I can take on anything demanding as I may have to drop it at short notice to deal with another crisis. It’s really affected my income – I could be earning double what I’m earning now”. For her and her husband, it was a no-brainer that she’d be the one whose career and income took the hit. “My husband did what he could to share the stress and if I had to go abroad for work, he stepped up 100 per cent. But being a couples coach, he could not take calls when he was with clients – and he earns more than me, so it made sense for me to drop work and be on call overall. I do worry about the future. I’m now looking at my pension and the fact that I haven’t made any contributions for the last few years, so goodness knows how we’ll make it work”. (Photo: Dennis Barnes/Getty/Photographer's Choice RF)

Usually mothers bearing the mental load

It can be almost impossible to focus on your work when you know your child is really struggling. On top of the worry, there are the many calls to make, the unexpected disruptions and pick-ups, and the research, form-filling and multiple appointments with school, mental health professionals and local authorities. In online support groups mothers report feeling underprepared for meetings, falling behind with workloads, unable to complete tasks properly, and embarrassed over their many unplanned absences due to these disruptions. A survey of 1,000 parents in the UK, by the City Mental Health Alliance found that 48 per cent of working parents who reported concern about their children’s mental health said it had impacted their performance at work in some way – including having to deal with disruptions and an inability to concentrate on the job. Twelve per cent in this position had considered reducing their working hours to support their child, with 8 per cent reporting they had even considered quitting their jobs altogether. And while dads are also impacted and involved, studies show it’s usually mothers that bear the mental load of their children’s emotions, and whose careers bear the brunt when things go wrong. (Photo: Victoria Jones/PA)

Guilt and self-blame

Therapist Collette Ricaud (Small Steps Therapies) says that mums are really struggling to maintain their careers alongside their child’s anxiety and the practicalities involved. “It’s having a huge impact on these women’s working lives and their own mental health. Working mothers feel enough guilt about not being stay-at-home mums and missing school plays and sports days, and when their child has mental health issues, that guilt and self-blame can be phenomenal, further affecting their ability to work and carry on earning. Worse still, as the children get older, they become more aware of the impact they are having on their mums, and in turn feel that guilt themselves.” (Photo: Lauren Bates/Getty/Moment RF)

Avoiding breaking point or burnout

One of Ricaud’s clients runs a charity-based company, and while she hasn’t had to give up work, she has had to adapt what work looks like. “She fits her work around meetings relating to her daughter’s mental health and schooling. Her daughter can’t be left alone, so my client has to take her wherever she goes for her work. Trying to get help for her daughter takes up so much of her time, what with battling with the school, local authorities and CAMHS [Child and Adolescent Mental Health Services] to get mental health support. She is unable to make work much of a priority, and has even talked about walking away from it, painful as that would be – this is a successful business that she’s spent many years building up”. Amid fears that this could lead a to worsening of the gender pay gap, experts say employers can and should help women stay in work through a crisis by offering more realistic support. Counsellor Georgina Sturmer says: “The key here is for an employer to ask and investigate what their employees need and want, rather than making assumptions about the steps that might be helpful. Creating a culture of openness, so that employees can seek support and solutions before they reach breaking point or burnout.” (Photo: Natalia Lebedinskaia/Getty)

Flexible working

“Employers should be prepared to offer flexible working times, particularly start times, but also offer work outside school hours, which may include evenings and weekends, as well as remote or hybrid working,” says Anna. And there needs to be far more help from the authorities, she adds. “Schools need to offer flexi-schooling to pupils with severe anxiety. Parents unable to access flexi schooling, and facing fines and prison, are left with no alternative but to deregister their child from school and home educate them – which means reducing or giving up their work. “Meanwhile, CAMHS is underfunded, which means long waits for badly needed mental health support, leaving far too many of these families in limbo. GPs need to be able to sign a child off sick with anxiety, which currently they are not able to do. Without this, parents are liable for fines of up to £2,500 or imprisonment for their child’s unauthorised non-attendance at school, which adds enormously to the stress”. (Photo: Joe Giddens/PA)

Maintaining the juggle

For mothers who find themselves trying to maintain the juggle, says Sturmer: “Many workplaces are open and accepting of our struggles outside of work. But if there remains a stigma, you might need to suppress those worries while you’re at work. If that’s the case, be aware of the professional ‘mask’ that you’re wearing. Find a way to acknowledge the additional pressure that you might be under. And make sure that you seek out situations outside of work where you can remove the ‘mask’ and be yourself”. As for your career, it’s important to keep a realistic head on your shoulders, she says. “We can’t always give work our full focus and if this feels familiar to you, then it might be important to accept that your family situation could have an impact on your career or relationships at work. This can be hard if we are under financial pressure, or feeling that our work ambitions are being frustrated, but it’s important to acknowledge it to ourselves, rather than ignore it”. (*Anna’s name has been changed) (Photo: We Are/Getty/Digital Vision)