My boyfriend makes twice as much as I do but insists we split everything 50/50. Is that fair?

What To Do If Your Partner Insists On Splitting Everything Equally, But Makes More Than You Do

Finances in a relationship can be tricky to navigate, particularly if you make less than your partner but they insist that you split everything 50/50. How are you supposed to come up with $1000 for rent when you only make $2000 a month, but they make $4000? This is on top of all of your other shared expenses. Let's examine what to do when your partnership begins to feel more like financial slavery.

Is Splitting 50/50 Really Equal?

You and your partner may decide to split all of your expenses 50/50, which can seem like the right thing to do on paper. But is it really as egalitarian as it sounds? If you make less than they do, maybe you don't have the money to pay 50% of everything. Let's explore other options and how financial fairness is important in a relationship.

Equal & Equitable Aren't The Same Thing

You may already know this, but "equal" and "equitable" aren't the same thing. Splitting finances equally might not always be the best way to forge an equitable financial relationship. If each party in the relationship doesn't make the same money, they're not always going to be able to contribute 50% of the finances.

Consider A Proportional Approach

A 50/50 split may be “equal,” but it’s not necessarily sustainable. Try a 60/40 or 70/30 split based on income ratio. It’s not about one person doing less—it’s about both contributing fairly in proportion to what they earn so no one is silently suffering.

Look At The Full Financial Picture

Income is only part of the story. Do you have student loans while he’s debt-free? Are you supporting family or paying off a credit card? Is he getting a yearly bonus you don’t? Your financial situations aren’t just different—they’re shaped by totally different realities and responsibilities.

Discuss The Future Often

One of the key cornerstones of any successful relationship is to frequently ensure that you're on the same page. Do you have the same goals in life as you did five years ago? If you're not sharing finances equitably now, how is that going to play out when your expenses increase?

Relationship Or Roommate?

Does it feel like you're splitting rent with a roommate? Or like you have a partner in life? If it's the former, then you need to decide how to bring up that you're not able to contribute because you don't make as much, and see if there's a compromise to be made.

Is He Willing To Listen?

When you bring up money, does he hear you out—or get defensive? A partner who refuses to discuss or compromise on finances might be showing deeper emotional inflexibility. A good partner listens, cares, and collaborates—not insists on rigid systems that work better for them than you.

Are You Compromising Too Much?

Healthy relationships involve give and take. But if you’re always the one adjusting—downsizing, sacrificing, or compromising—it’s time to ask: is this mutual? Your needs and boundaries matter just as much. Fairness means both people bend, not one person constantly folding themselves into a pretzel.

Don’t Guilt Yourself For Wanting Balance

It’s easy to feel guilty when you bring up money—especially if he accuses you of being dramatic or “making it about income.” But you’re not being greedy. You’re asking for fairness, and that’s a totally valid, mature thing to want in a committed partnership. Don’t shrink yourself.

Lifestyle Compatibility Check

Does he love $300 sushi nights while you’re sweating over a $30 dinner tab? Shared expenses are only one piece of the pie. If his lifestyle choices regularly leave you overextended or feeling “cheap” by comparison, that gap will keep growing—and so will your discomfort.

Keep Receipts—Literally

Track joint spending over a few months. What feels like an even split might turn out to be wildly unbalanced when you put it on paper. Apps like Splitwise or a shared spreadsheet can help you both see the numbers—and remove emotion from the equation.

Set A Fair Budget Together

Sit down and list all joint expenses, then talk about how much each of you can realistically contribute without stress. A shared spreadsheet or budgeting app can help. Budgeting together makes you a team—and builds transparency, trust, and fairness into your financial lives.

Pool Some, Keep Some

Try combining money for shared expenses (like rent and groceries) while keeping separate accounts for personal spending. This balance lets you share responsibilities without giving up your financial independence—and prevents unnecessary arguments about who bought what or spent too much.

What Do You Value More—Money Or Power?

Sometimes 50/50 isn’t about fairness at all—it’s about control. If he refuses to compromise or insists on his way because he makes more, ask yourself: is this really about equality—or is money being used as a silent power play? Respect is priceless. So is equality.

Talk To A Financial Therapist Or Planner

If you’re stuck in the same arguments or feeling misunderstood, a financial therapist or planner can help. They’ll break down money dynamics in a neutral way, uncover hidden tensions, and help you both create a plan that supports your relationship, not strains it.

You Deserve A Partner, Not A Burden

Love isn’t about constant sacrifice. If he refuses to adjust or doesn’t care about how you're impacted, that’s not just a financial issue—it’s a relationship one. You deserve someone who sees your needs, values your contribution, and wants to build something fair and mutual.

The Bottom Line: Fairness Feels Right

Fairness isn’t about rigid numbers—it’s about emotional and financial balance. When both partners feel seen, supported, and secure, that’s when the relationship thrives. If 50/50 feels off, it probably is. Speak up. Ask for better. You’re worth a love that feels fair, not forced.