Parenthood brings overwhelming pressure. Mistakes are inevitable, but so is growth. Photo: Canva

FATHERHOOD can feel like stepping into the unknown. No manual, no rehearsals, just raw responsibility and love. For young dads grappling with the weight of expectations, there’s no better source of guidance than someone who’s been through it all.

At 59, Mohd Arifuddin Zaki is a father of four and grandfather to two and his advice is honest, heartfelt, and rooted in decades of experience complete with mistakes, emotional trials, and growth. For him, being a good father starts with a simple but powerful act of showing up.

Arifuddin doesn't mince words when it comes to the core of fatherhood.

"About 90% of being a good dad is just showing up. You're going to get a ton of stuff wrong.

“But if you're truly there, not fiddling on your phone or paying more attention to your work or whatever it is you’re doing, then your children will know.

“And all of the stuff you screwed up won't matter because you'll have done the most important thing: you showed up," he said.

In a world where many feel pressure to be flawless, Arifuddin believes that presence itself outweighs perfection. The little moments like school pickups, bedtime chats, quiet dinners - matter more than you realise.

Fatherhood begins during pregnancy

Many young fathers mistakenly think their job starts only after the baby is born. For many young or aspiring fathers, it is encouraged for them to be active from the very beginning which is during pregnancy.

"For dads specifically, I recommend insisting on being fully involved with your kid from pregnancy on.

“On your wife’s first or even second pregnancy, she is on this roller coaster where she can't control what her body is doing, and she has to go to all these medical checkups and go through birth which is definitely not a walk in the park to say the least," he exclaimed.

He also claimed that while father’s are not necessarily required to be a part of every single aspect of motherhood, it is still a journey that is meant to be experienced together, and being a father and husband that is always present is the first step forward.

From scans and clinic visits to emotional support, a father’s presence can shape the early stages of both parenthood and partnership.

In the constantly evolving world where many are struggling to keep up, parenthood can sometimes be muddled together with real-life commitments, leaving little room for mental reflection. Photo: Canva

Mental health, the quiet storm

In the constantly evolving world where many are struggling to keep up, parenthood can sometimes be muddled together with real-life commitments, leaving little room for mental reflection.

Arifuddin thus spoke candidly about an often-ignored topic such as maternal mental health and the importance of being prepared for the unexpected.

"You will never know how your wife will handle this pregnancy. My wife had severe depression to the point of suicidal thoughts both before and after pregnancy so it can get real tough, real fast.

"A good chunk of couples divorce within the first two years of a child’s life. Speaking from experience, going through PPD with your wife is hell," he shared.

These moments can shake even the strongest relationships, but support, empathy, and unity can carry couples through the storm and turbulent waters of parenthood.

Give yourself grace

Parenthood brings overwhelming pressure. Mistakes are inevitable, but so is growth.

Fathers in today’s day and age are constantly setting themselves up to impossible standards, not knowing whether living up to expectations would be enough, constantly in a tug-o-war of pushing one’s self to the limit and continuously demanding more of one’s self.

“The one thing that I would remind young fathers is to not blame yourself. You’re doing your best.

“There are times where things just happen sometimes. It's extremely stressful to raise children, especially in this day and age. Some days you’ll break down and cry," he acknowledged.

It is incredibly easy to lose sight of one’s work when the constant struggles of parenthood for young and inexperienced fathers often leave them feeling shackled or hopeless in a cycle of self-deprecation.

"Just pick yourself back up and get back out there, every day. It will suck your soul for at least two years.

“Then it gets better. And when they finally go to school it will be amazing. Just take everything one day at a time. You got this. You can do it," Arifuddin encouraged.

His message is thus a lifeline: you’re not failing - you’re learning, just like your child.

Fatherhood is not a role that comes with medals or a perfect scorecard. Photo: Canva

Balance is key

Navigating discipline is one of the hardest parts of being a parent.

As a father that has seen the dangers of over-indulgence, Arifuddin cautions against being too lenient or too harsh.

“Love your child but set boundaries. It's important that a child learn boundaries early on in life.

"Showing a kid who is boss will pay off in dividends later. But also don't torture the kid. It's a fine line and you’ll just need to figure it out. No means no. Use it wisely and make sure your kid knows no means no," he advised.

Discipline, when applied with consistency and fairness, creates respect and not fear. And for Arifuddin, calm authority works best.

"I rarely raise my voice either. So when I shout, my kid 100 per cent knows it's business and serious," he noted.

It’s a daily decision to be present, to learn, and to love. Arifuddin’s words remind young fathers that their efforts no matter how imperfect - matter deeply.

If you're a young dad wondering whether you're doing enough, his advice might be exactly what you need to hear: keep going, keep trying, and keep showing up.