Signs you are being gaslighted, and how to deal with it

They are a liar, They deny saying something, They use what you care about most as ammunition, They wear you down, Their words don't match their actions, They occasionally praise you, They want to confuse you, They project onto you, They turn people against you, They tell you that you're crazy, They tell you everyone else is a liar, How to defend yourself against gaslighters, React to their claims in the right way, Seek help, Don't feel bad about leaving

Gaslighting is unfortunately a very common phenomenon, and one that is very cruel. If you are not familiar with it, it is essentially a form of psychological manipulation, in which a person gradually makes another question their own memory, perception, or judgment. It is a particularly terrible thing to do to someone, especially if you're supposed to be in a trusting relationship with them. 

Take a look through the gallery to find out the signs of being gaslighted, and how to deal with it.

They are a liar, They deny saying something, They use what you care about most as ammunition, They wear you down, Their words don't match their actions, They occasionally praise you, They want to confuse you, They project onto you, They turn people against you, They tell you that you're crazy, They tell you everyone else is a liar, How to defend yourself against gaslighters, React to their claims in the right way, Seek help, Don't feel bad about leaving

Gaslighting is unfortunately a very common phenomenon, and one that is very cruel. If you are not familiar with it, it is essentially a form of psychological manipulation, in which a person gradually makes another question their own memory, perception, or judgment. It is a particularly terrible thing to do to someone, especially if you're supposed to be in a trusting relationship with them. 

Take a look through the gallery to find out the signs of being gaslighted, and how to deal with it.

They are a liar

They are a liar, They deny saying something, They use what you care about most as ammunition, They wear you down, Their words don't match their actions, They occasionally praise you, They want to confuse you, They project onto you, They turn people against you, They tell you that you're crazy, They tell you everyone else is a liar, How to defend yourself against gaslighters, React to their claims in the right way, Seek help, Don't feel bad about leaving

A shameless liar can come out with the most outrageous and blatant lies, but that's a bit simpler to handle because then you would just question everything they say.  

They deny saying something

They are a liar, They deny saying something, They use what you care about most as ammunition, They wear you down, Their words don't match their actions, They occasionally praise you, They want to confuse you, They project onto you, They turn people against you, They tell you that you're crazy, They tell you everyone else is a liar, How to defend yourself against gaslighters, React to their claims in the right way, Seek help, Don't feel bad about leaving

You know that they said a particular thing, but they completely deny it. They won't for a second concede that you are right.

They use what you care about most as ammunition

They are a liar, They deny saying something, They use what you care about most as ammunition, They wear you down, Their words don't match their actions, They occasionally praise you, They want to confuse you, They project onto you, They turn people against you, They tell you that you're crazy, They tell you everyone else is a liar, How to defend yourself against gaslighters, React to their claims in the right way, Seek help, Don't feel bad about leaving

This sort of behavior is extremely toxic. They could attack your choice of career, education, your sense of self-worth, and essentially anything they can use to undermine your character.

They wear you down

They are a liar, They deny saying something, They use what you care about most as ammunition, They wear you down, Their words don't match their actions, They occasionally praise you, They want to confuse you, They project onto you, They turn people against you, They tell you that you're crazy, They tell you everyone else is a liar, How to defend yourself against gaslighters, React to their claims in the right way, Seek help, Don't feel bad about leaving

When something happens very gradually, people often don't notice it happening. Think of aging, for example. If you are being gaslighted, you may just feel increasingly exhausted and weary. 

Their words don't match their actions

They are a liar, They deny saying something, They use what you care about most as ammunition, They wear you down, Their words don't match their actions, They occasionally praise you, They want to confuse you, They project onto you, They turn people against you, They tell you that you're crazy, They tell you everyone else is a liar, How to defend yourself against gaslighters, React to their claims in the right way, Seek help, Don't feel bad about leaving

Talk is cheap. Anybody can say anything without making much of an effort. What matters is what someone does, their actions.

They occasionally praise you

They are a liar, They deny saying something, They use what you care about most as ammunition, They wear you down, Their words don't match their actions, They occasionally praise you, They want to confuse you, They project onto you, They turn people against you, They tell you that you're crazy, They tell you everyone else is a liar, How to defend yourself against gaslighters, React to their claims in the right way, Seek help, Don't feel bad about leaving

If an abusive, gaslighting person believes that perhaps their behavior has gone too far, they will lure you back to their side by suddenly being nice to you.

They want to confuse you

They are a liar, They deny saying something, They use what you care about most as ammunition, They wear you down, Their words don't match their actions, They occasionally praise you, They want to confuse you, They project onto you, They turn people against you, They tell you that you're crazy, They tell you everyone else is a liar, How to defend yourself against gaslighters, React to their claims in the right way, Seek help, Don't feel bad about leaving

Most people get a sense of comfort through having stability, and they feel confident in their surroundings and relationships.

They project onto you

They are a liar, They deny saying something, They use what you care about most as ammunition, They wear you down, Their words don't match their actions, They occasionally praise you, They want to confuse you, They project onto you, They turn people against you, They tell you that you're crazy, They tell you everyone else is a liar, How to defend yourself against gaslighters, React to their claims in the right way, Seek help, Don't feel bad about leaving

A classic gaslighting technique is to project their bad behavior onto you. For example, if they are cheating on you, they will accuse you of being a cheater.

They turn people against you

They are a liar, They deny saying something, They use what you care about most as ammunition, They wear you down, Their words don't match their actions, They occasionally praise you, They want to confuse you, They project onto you, They turn people against you, They tell you that you're crazy, They tell you everyone else is a liar, How to defend yourself against gaslighters, React to their claims in the right way, Seek help, Don't feel bad about leaving

People who gaslight ultimately want to control your life and behavior. So, they will say that other people have said various bad things about you, in the hopes that you will cut off your support system.

They tell you that you're crazy

They are a liar, They deny saying something, They use what you care about most as ammunition, They wear you down, Their words don't match their actions, They occasionally praise you, They want to confuse you, They project onto you, They turn people against you, They tell you that you're crazy, They tell you everyone else is a liar, How to defend yourself against gaslighters, React to their claims in the right way, Seek help, Don't feel bad about leaving

Perhaps the most immoral technique of all, making someone question their own sanity and rationality is a fundamental part of gaslighting.

They tell you everyone else is a liar

They are a liar, They deny saying something, They use what you care about most as ammunition, They wear you down, Their words don't match their actions, They occasionally praise you, They want to confuse you, They project onto you, They turn people against you, They tell you that you're crazy, They tell you everyone else is a liar, How to defend yourself against gaslighters, React to their claims in the right way, Seek help, Don't feel bad about leaving

The reason for this gaslighting technique is to keep you close to them, and for you to rely on them to be honest. Whereas in reality, they are anything but.

How to defend yourself against gaslighters

They are a liar, They deny saying something, They use what you care about most as ammunition, They wear you down, Their words don't match their actions, They occasionally praise you, They want to confuse you, They project onto you, They turn people against you, They tell you that you're crazy, They tell you everyone else is a liar, How to defend yourself against gaslighters, React to their claims in the right way, Seek help, Don't feel bad about leaving

The following are a number of techniques that you can use to resist and combat gaslighting behavior. All hope is certainly not lost if you're in a gaslighting situation!

React to their claims in the right way

They are a liar, They deny saying something, They use what you care about most as ammunition, They wear you down, Their words don't match their actions, They occasionally praise you, They want to confuse you, They project onto you, They turn people against you, They tell you that you're crazy, They tell you everyone else is a liar, How to defend yourself against gaslighters, React to their claims in the right way, Seek help, Don't feel bad about leaving

Gaslighters want you to react in a strongly emotional way, so they can accuse you of irrationality. Stay calm, and tell them that you don't share their perspective on things.

Seek help

They are a liar, They deny saying something, They use what you care about most as ammunition, They wear you down, Their words don't match their actions, They occasionally praise you, They want to confuse you, They project onto you, They turn people against you, They tell you that you're crazy, They tell you everyone else is a liar, How to defend yourself against gaslighters, React to their claims in the right way, Seek help, Don't feel bad about leaving

Whether it is to recover from a gaslighting relationship that you have removed yourself from, or if it is to try and fix your current relationship, therapy can help. Just bear in mind that a gaslighter may be very reluctant to get help.

Don't feel bad about leaving

They are a liar, They deny saying something, They use what you care about most as ammunition, They wear you down, Their words don't match their actions, They occasionally praise you, They want to confuse you, They project onto you, They turn people against you, They tell you that you're crazy, They tell you everyone else is a liar, How to defend yourself against gaslighters, React to their claims in the right way, Seek help, Don't feel bad about leaving

If you feel that there is nothing worth saving, leave, for your own good. Don't expect the gaslighter to accept any wrongdoing. Just make it clear that you want out.

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