Can an on-again, off-again relationship actually work for you?

First of all, it's quite common, Breakups are painful, You have a lot going on in your life, You don't actually know what you want, Fear of commitment, You need to improve your communication skills, You share a lot of history, So when does a cycling relationship work?, Busy careers, It meets both partners' needs, When is it toxic?, You're over-compromising, Abuse is all too likely, Mental health issues are the fuel, Good questions to ask, How to end the cycle (and stay on)

Most people have found themselves at one point or another getting back together with an ex, and a good number of those people have found that it easily slips into a pattern. We have a general notion of these on-again, off-again relationships as toxic, but there is increasing evidence that these “cycling” relationships, as they’re called, could actually be quite useful.

These relationships can highlight some need or uncertainty in yourself that you hadn’t before encountered, or they can be a completely different but equally valid attachment style. Of course, these relationships can easily turn sour, but it’s only fair to see both sides of the argument before we make any judgment. Click through to see how an on-and-off relationship might work for your benefit.

First of all, it's quite common

First of all, it's quite common, Breakups are painful, You have a lot going on in your life, You don't actually know what you want, Fear of commitment, You need to improve your communication skills, You share a lot of history, So when does a cycling relationship work?, Busy careers, It meets both partners' needs, When is it toxic?, You're over-compromising, Abuse is all too likely, Mental health issues are the fuel, Good questions to ask, How to end the cycle (and stay on)

According to Healthline, on-and-off relationships are more common than you think. Various studies suggest that anywhere from about 30-60% of dating young adults have some experience with so-called “relationship cycling.”

Breakups are painful

First of all, it's quite common, Breakups are painful, You have a lot going on in your life, You don't actually know what you want, Fear of commitment, You need to improve your communication skills, You share a lot of history, So when does a cycling relationship work?, Busy careers, It meets both partners' needs, When is it toxic?, You're over-compromising, Abuse is all too likely, Mental health issues are the fuel, Good questions to ask, How to end the cycle (and stay on)

Many people seek to ease the pain of a breakup by simply reversing it. The immense feelings pushing you back to an ex could be because you made the wrong choice, but it may also be that you have a low pain tolerance.

You have a lot going on in your life

First of all, it's quite common, Breakups are painful, You have a lot going on in your life, You don't actually know what you want, Fear of commitment, You need to improve your communication skills, You share a lot of history, So when does a cycling relationship work?, Busy careers, It meets both partners' needs, When is it toxic?, You're over-compromising, Abuse is all too likely, Mental health issues are the fuel, Good questions to ask, How to end the cycle (and stay on)

Another totally valid fuel for an on-off pattern is that, despite caring about someone, you occasionally need to separate from them so that you can better handle the demands and challenges of your life. You likely find your way back when things calm down.

You don't actually know what you want

First of all, it's quite common, Breakups are painful, You have a lot going on in your life, You don't actually know what you want, Fear of commitment, You need to improve your communication skills, You share a lot of history, So when does a cycling relationship work?, Busy careers, It meets both partners' needs, When is it toxic?, You're over-compromising, Abuse is all too likely, Mental health issues are the fuel, Good questions to ask, How to end the cycle (and stay on)

If you haven't taken the time to figure out what you're looking for, it's easier to keep going back to someone who you have fun with despite the fact that you're not getting what you need from the relationship. Neither staying nor leaving will feel right.

Fear of commitment

First of all, it's quite common, Breakups are painful, You have a lot going on in your life, You don't actually know what you want, Fear of commitment, You need to improve your communication skills, You share a lot of history, So when does a cycling relationship work?, Busy careers, It meets both partners' needs, When is it toxic?, You're over-compromising, Abuse is all too likely, Mental health issues are the fuel, Good questions to ask, How to end the cycle (and stay on)

Some people run away from those they have immense feelings for merely because it's getting too serious. But those same feelings draw them back in, and they'll likely push them away again. This one is obviously not a great fuel.

You need to improve your communication skills

First of all, it's quite common, Breakups are painful, You have a lot going on in your life, You don't actually know what you want, Fear of commitment, You need to improve your communication skills, You share a lot of history, So when does a cycling relationship work?, Busy careers, It meets both partners' needs, When is it toxic?, You're over-compromising, Abuse is all too likely, Mental health issues are the fuel, Good questions to ask, How to end the cycle (and stay on)

So many breakups happen because partners don't have conflict resolution skills, so ties are cut instead of smoothed out. The issues might fade with time spent apart, but that won't prevent them from happening again.

You share a lot of history

First of all, it's quite common, Breakups are painful, You have a lot going on in your life, You don't actually know what you want, Fear of commitment, You need to improve your communication skills, You share a lot of history, So when does a cycling relationship work?, Busy careers, It meets both partners' needs, When is it toxic?, You're over-compromising, Abuse is all too likely, Mental health issues are the fuel, Good questions to ask, How to end the cycle (and stay on)

The thought of dating someone new who doesn't know all about you, with no inside jokes or shared experiences and feelings, pales in comparison to someone with whom you've cultivated a deep comfort.

So when does a cycling relationship work?

First of all, it's quite common, Breakups are painful, You have a lot going on in your life, You don't actually know what you want, Fear of commitment, You need to improve your communication skills, You share a lot of history, So when does a cycling relationship work?, Busy careers, It meets both partners' needs, When is it toxic?, You're over-compromising, Abuse is all too likely, Mental health issues are the fuel, Good questions to ask, How to end the cycle (and stay on)

The first answer is one that is increasingly prevalent in today's age of global travel, and that's when you're in a long-distance relationship.

Busy careers

First of all, it's quite common, Breakups are painful, You have a lot going on in your life, You don't actually know what you want, Fear of commitment, You need to improve your communication skills, You share a lot of history, So when does a cycling relationship work?, Busy careers, It meets both partners' needs, When is it toxic?, You're over-compromising, Abuse is all too likely, Mental health issues are the fuel, Good questions to ask, How to end the cycle (and stay on)

Even people in the same city can find it difficult to see each other regularly if their careers or other commitments are demanding, so you and your partner can have an understanding that your relationship is “on” when you both have the space for it.

It meets both partners' needs

First of all, it's quite common, Breakups are painful, You have a lot going on in your life, You don't actually know what you want, Fear of commitment, You need to improve your communication skills, You share a lot of history, So when does a cycling relationship work?, Busy careers, It meets both partners' needs, When is it toxic?, You're over-compromising, Abuse is all too likely, Mental health issues are the fuel, Good questions to ask, How to end the cycle (and stay on)

When neither of you are interested in a long-term, steady commitment, for whatever reason that may be, an on-again, off-again relationship might actually be your preferred attachment style. In that case, it would be worse to force yourself into a kind of relationship you're not ready for!

When is it toxic?

First of all, it's quite common, Breakups are painful, You have a lot going on in your life, You don't actually know what you want, Fear of commitment, You need to improve your communication skills, You share a lot of history, So when does a cycling relationship work?, Busy careers, It meets both partners' needs, When is it toxic?, You're over-compromising, Abuse is all too likely, Mental health issues are the fuel, Good questions to ask, How to end the cycle (and stay on)

Well, for starters, if the situation works in favor of just one partner and the other merely goes along with it out of fear of losing them, that is a clear recipe for disaster.

You're over-compromising

First of all, it's quite common, Breakups are painful, You have a lot going on in your life, You don't actually know what you want, Fear of commitment, You need to improve your communication skills, You share a lot of history, So when does a cycling relationship work?, Busy careers, It meets both partners' needs, When is it toxic?, You're over-compromising, Abuse is all too likely, Mental health issues are the fuel, Good questions to ask, How to end the cycle (and stay on)

Though healthy relationships involve some compromise, if you're reaching an ultimatum point (i.e. disagreements over kids, marriage, sexual needs, etc.) that leads to breaking up, compromising those needs just to get back together with someone will end only in resentment and likely another breakup.

Abuse is all too likely

First of all, it's quite common, Breakups are painful, You have a lot going on in your life, You don't actually know what you want, Fear of commitment, You need to improve your communication skills, You share a lot of history, So when does a cycling relationship work?, Busy careers, It meets both partners' needs, When is it toxic?, You're over-compromising, Abuse is all too likely, Mental health issues are the fuel, Good questions to ask, How to end the cycle (and stay on)

One 2013 study, as reported in Healthline, looked at data from nearly 800 young adults and found evidence that suggests relationship cyclers experience more relationship conflict than non-cyclers. They were also two times as likely to report physical abuse in the relationship, and 50% more likely to report verbal abuse.

Mental health issues are the fuel

First of all, it's quite common, Breakups are painful, You have a lot going on in your life, You don't actually know what you want, Fear of commitment, You need to improve your communication skills, You share a lot of history, So when does a cycling relationship work?, Busy careers, It meets both partners' needs, When is it toxic?, You're over-compromising, Abuse is all too likely, Mental health issues are the fuel, Good questions to ask, How to end the cycle (and stay on)

Things like anxiety, depression, bipolar disorder, and other personality disorders can play a huge part in on-and-off relationships. If you're not mentally healthy, finding a partner might seem like an easy fix, but it rarely is.

Good questions to ask

First of all, it's quite common, Breakups are painful, You have a lot going on in your life, You don't actually know what you want, Fear of commitment, You need to improve your communication skills, You share a lot of history, So when does a cycling relationship work?, Busy careers, It meets both partners' needs, When is it toxic?, You're over-compromising, Abuse is all too likely, Mental health issues are the fuel, Good questions to ask, How to end the cycle (and stay on)

What needs does your partner satisfy? When do you start leaning towards the breakup part of the cycle? Which qualities of theirs do you admire most? Which do you dislike most?

How to end the cycle (and stay on)

First of all, it's quite common, Breakups are painful, You have a lot going on in your life, You don't actually know what you want, Fear of commitment, You need to improve your communication skills, You share a lot of history, So when does a cycling relationship work?, Busy careers, It meets both partners' needs, When is it toxic?, You're over-compromising, Abuse is all too likely, Mental health issues are the fuel, Good questions to ask, How to end the cycle (and stay on)

Devote yourselves to total honesty, stay away from blame, and express and receive each other's emotions openly. Stabilizing a cycling relationship is hard work, and you absolutely must be able to identify why you keep breaking up.

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