Learn to Pick Up the Pieces

Divorces are often devastating. Your entire life gets flipped upside down, and it’s hard to pick up the pieces. But you’re not without hope. Here are 20 healthy steps you can take to move on from a divorce and navigate your new life.

1. Don’t Do It Alone

The marriage may have ended, but that doesn’t mean your other relationships did. Lean on your friends and family for support when you feel you need it. Those closest to you can provide some much-needed comfort.

2. Seek a Professional

After such a devastating loss, it’s normal to feel like a little out of place. There’s no shame in speaking with a professional about your feelings. Work with a therapist to develop healthy coping mechanisms and talk through your emotions.

3. Make a Checklist

To ensure a smooth transition into life without your ex, put together a checklist of final tasks. Do you have to update your banking information? Change passwords on anything? Finalize any paperwork? Write them all down so you know where to start.

4. Create a New Routine

Your spouse was a large presence, so establishing a new routine will help stabilize a new life without them. Having your own set of goals also provides something to shoot for, and ultimately, something to achieve.

5. Know the Warning Signs

There’s a big difference between someone going through a hard time and someone who has fallen into depression. Knowing the signs beforehand gives you a chance to recognize them later. If you think you’re spiraling into a dark place, seek out professional help, and don’t go through it alone.

6. Pamper Yourself

You just went through something traumatic—and divorces can sometimes last years before they’re finalized. Treat yourself afterward. Whether it’s a mani/pedi, a purchase you’ve had your eye on, or just a sweet treat, don’t be afraid to indulge every once in a while.

7. Seek Closure

It’s easier said than done, but try to find some closure. Doing so can finally turn the page on this chapter and help you move forward. However you choose to seek it, ensure your methods are appropriate and safe—and remember that closure will look different for everyone.

8. Take a Dating Break

It might seem tempting to dive back into the dating pool, but allow yourself time to heal first. Your most important goal right now is to take care of yourself. Taking a break from dating will open the door to introspection, self-care, and newly established confidence.

9. Be Patient With Yourself

Wading through the aftermath of a divorce won’t be easy. You’ll have your fair share of ups and downs, so remember to be patient with yourself as you adjust.

10. Feel Your Feelings

Don’t shy away from your feelings. It’s normal to feel angry, hurt, sad, or betrayed after a divorce. Whatever you’re going through, let yourself feel your feelings so you can better work through them.

11. Plan for Co-Parenting

You don’t want your kids to suffer after a divorce. If you and your ex have children together, organize a co-parenting strategy with them to keep things amicable. It’s also a good way to avoid any future arguments over who has the children when.

12. Find New Hobbies

Take a class, read a book, get out and explore the world! A divorce can send your life into a tailspin, but discovering new interests puts you on the path to moving forward. They also help you to establish a new set of hobbies that aren't associated with your ex.

13. Prioritize Self-Care

At a time like this, make self-care a priority. Exercising, eating healthy, and maintaining a balanced sleep schedule all contribute to an overall better mood, which is what you’re aiming for right now.

14. Exercise

Working out comes with an onslaught of benefits, least of all for your psyche. Not only does exercise help you feel good, it puts you on a path to achieving goals and higher self-esteem.

15. Don’t Ignore People

It’s easy to get caught up in the whirlwind of emotions you have right now. But remember that you have a support system in your life, and they deserve your time. Don’t let existing relationships fall by the wayside. After all, those are the very people who can help you out of your own mind!

16. Look Into a Support Group

If you aren’t interested in one-on-one therapy, look for support groups in your area. Sometimes it’s easier to surround yourself with a network of people who understand exactly what you’re going through.

17. Cope Appropriately

You’re not doing yourself any favors by stalking your ex, turning your children against them, or getting into arguments whenever you see them. Find healthy coping strategies that allow you the space to heal and maintain appropriate boundaries.

18. Reimagine Your Future

A divorce can shatter any plans you had for the future, but the silver lining is you now have a golden opportunity to envision what you want your new life to look like. While it'll take some time to iron out the wrinkles, you'll soon put yourself on a new path forward—one that's all your own.

19. Remain Calm

Seeing an ex-spouse is sure to ignite a lot of emotion and the most important thing for you is to remain calm and set firm boundaries. Keep conversations short if you need to, find a preferred method of communication, and avoid any insults.

20. Expand Your Friend Circle

The hard truth is that a divorce can lead to lost friendships. However, that doesn’t mean you’re without companionship at all. Engaging in different activities can help you find fresh connections and build toward a new life.