What should you say?, Why is this considered a better question?, How to make it past small talk, How can you tell if someone likes you?, What else did Van Edwards reveal?

The question ‘what do you do?’ feels harmless. It’s an easy way to begin a conversation and could even segue into common interests. However, asking this question might be a quick route to having other people dislike you, as it is the fastest way to make someone feel judged and uncomfortable, an expert has revealed. So, what do you ask instead? And are there other accidental things you are doing that make people dislike you? (Picture: Getty)

Founder of Science of People, Vanessa Van Edwards, appeared on an episode of the podcast Diary of a CEO and revealed why you shouldn't ask what a person does when meeting them for the first time (Picture: Getty)

What should you say?

The behaviour researcher said: ‘Stop asking "what do you do?". That is telling them their brain can stay on autopilot. Asking someone that question is really asking "what are you worth?” And if someone's not defined by what they do, it's actually a rude question. You can replace it with "working on anything exciting these days?" or "working on anything exciting recently?"’ (Picture: Getty)

Why is this considered a better question?

Van Edwards said: ‘This is a permission connection. You ask someone that question, you are giving them permission if they want to tell you about what they do. If they are not defined by what they do, they'll tell you something better. And that also gives you really good nuggets for the next time you see them, when you can say, "Hey, how was that thing you were working on?"' (Picture: Getty)

This subtle shift allows someone to tell you what they are genuinely interested in, rather than being defined by a job that they may hate, for example. She continued: ‘When you ask this question, you're gonna get one of two responses. One, someone shuts you down [...] or, they're going to tell you about goals. That's also a great thing you can follow up on, because then when you see them a month later, or a week later, or a year later, you can be like, "Hey, how did that go?"' (Picture: Getty)

How to make it past small talk

Matt Dickins, a professional improviser and author of Improvise!, tellsMetro that to get past the small talk, just improvise. There are a few steps involved, such as paying close attention to what a person is saying instead of thinking about what you're going to say next, which could mean you miss out on subtext and clues that lead to further conversation. From there, you could point out how the other person looks, or seems, which shows that you're paying attention to them, and then ask follow-up questions about what they are saying. This helps the other person understand that you're actually interested in getting to know them better rather than just being polite (Picture: Getty Images)

How can you tell if someone likes you?

So, now that you know how to make a good first impression and it's blossomed into a friendship, how do you know if that person likes you? Speaking to Metro, Dr Elena Touroni, a consultant psychologist and co-founder of The Chelsea Psychology Clinic said there are 7 signs to look out for. These are:
1. They initiate contact and communication
2. They remember and acknowledge details about you
3. They offer help and support
4. They make time for you
5. They exhibit positive body language
6. They compliment and praise you
7. They share personal information
(Picture: Getty)

What else did Van Edwards reveal?

In the podcast, Van Edwards told host Steven Bartlett that it is more than just body language cues that present who you are. She said: ‘Cues come into four different channels. There is body language, facial expressions, gestures, posture, but there’s also vocal. So, vocal cues are the tone of our voice, the pace, our volume, our cadence. There’s also the words we use, obviously, verbal cues. The types of words I'm choosing to use are signalling my warmth and competence to you and the last, and the smallest channel is our ornaments. The colours we wear, the jewellery we wear, the way we wear our hair, the way you wear your facial hair. Those are also signalling different things or cueing people to feel a certain way about you’ (Picture: Getty)

So, what about your face? The body language expert goes on to say that people who try and mask their facial cues, or are too stoic, can make it harder for others to get a read on them. And if likeability is the aim, then this is hindering. But importantly, there is the question of your resting face. She says: ‘You need to look in the mirror and figure out what is the default of your face. If your mouth angles down into a frown, people are going to think you’re sad. If you have a lot of hood above your eyes for the two frown lines between your eyes people will think that you're angry or frustrated. And the more you have those lines on your forehead and the whites of your eyes show, you're signalling, accidentally, anxiety' (Picture: Getty)