What to avoid saying to someone with anxiety

"It's not that bad."

For someone with anxiety, everything feels big. Additionally, what you consider small might be significant to someone else. While you may be trying to be positive, you could be minimizing something important to them.

"You should just... (insert advice)."

During an anxiety or panic attack, a person is not in a problem-solving mindset. Their body is in fight-or-flight mode, making it difficult to see the big picture. If they have chronic anxiety, they've likely tried most recommended advice.

"Just relax."

Anxiety and panic disorders can make it difficult to relax, especially on command. Telling someone to simply relax can feel like a reminder of their "failure" to do something, which can increase their anxiety.

"It's all in your head."

Saying this can sound really dismissive and it implies they're choosing to feel this way, which isn't accurate. Additionally, anxiety is not solely mental. It can cause intense physical symptoms like sweating, tingling, nausea, and shortness of breath.

"You're overreacting."

This approach implies that their anxiety is unjustified and can create distance between you and the person, instead of fostering support and understanding. It's important to remember that behaviors exhibited by individuals with anxiety, such as panic, pacing, and fidgeting, are not conscious choices. They are coping mechanisms.

"You're too sensitive."

Sensitivity is not inherently negative, and anxiety is often caused by factors beyond a person's control. According to the National Institute of Mental Health, genetic factors, childhood trauma, and health conditions like heart arrhythmias or thyroid problems can increase the risk of developing an anxiety disorder.

"I know how you feel."

While you may be trying to offer perspective, it can feel dismissive. Sharing the inner workings of their mental processes takes vulnerability. If they feel they're not truly being heard, they may eventually stop coming to you and sharing what's distressing them.

"You're not the only one with problems."

Comparing struggles is not helpful. Anxious people are often aware of others facing greater challenges, which can increase their guilt and frustration. Invalidating their experience doesn't make it go away.

"Just snap out of it."

Similar to "relax," if it were that simple, they would have done it. Using the word "just" further implies they're flawed for not being able to do something supposedly easy.

"You're not trying hard enough."

People struggling with anxiety often put a lot of pressure on themselves and adding to that pressure won't help. They might already be exhausted by trying to perform when their bodies simply aren't responding.

"You're just lazy."

Anxiety can be paralyzing and serve as a defense mechanism, even when their fears seem disproportionate to you.

“Did I do something wrong?”

It can be difficult when a loved one is suffering, and you want to avoid causing any further upset. However, try not to take it personally. Asking them for reassurance while they're struggling is also not productive.

"Just distract yourself with (a drink, a TV show, a videogame)"

Outsourcing the task of dealing with anxiety to screens or addictive substances might seem like a quick fix, but engaging in numbing and potentially addictive behaviors can be harmful and worsen anxiety.