How Grief Shapes You As a Kid

The pain of losing a parent is unlike any other, and it's even harder when it happens before you've even had a chance to grow up. Only those who have experienced the death of a loved one at a young age truly understand how deeply it shapes you. The grief becomes a part of who you are. And yet, amid the storm, there are life lessons to be learned. Here are 20 important ones that loss teaches us.

1. Life Is Short

Losing a loved one hits you with the realization that life is painfully short. As a kid, you might think that living 50 or 70 years is a long while, but the truth is, there will never be enough time in the world for us to be with the people we love.

2. Holding Grudges Isn't Worth It

When you've faced the death of a loved one, you realize that petty things like holding grudges or getting angry over something small aren't worth it. After all, why spend so much time being upset when you could be happy? Plus, in the heat of the moment, we sometimes say things we might regret—and those words could end up haunting us.

3. Treasure Every Moment

Losing a parent early also teaches you to treasure every single moment. Life moves fast, and most of us get so caught up in our everyday routines that we forget we're holding our breath. But if you've dealt with grief early, you know the importance of taking things slow and appreciating the gift that each day brings.

4. Life Is Unfair & Unpredictable

Not only is life short, it's also unfair, uncertain, and unpredictable. You never know when it might be your last day with someone, which is why you learn to choose the right words and to say what you mean. You also learn to tell your loved ones that you love them at every chance you get.

5. Time Doesn't Stop for Anyone

Time relentlessly ticks on, and it doesn't stop even if you're not ready. One week becomes two, a month becomes three, and before you know it, it's been a year since you lost the person you love. Even when you're not finished grieving, time pushes you forward.

6. It Will Always Hurt

No matter how many years have passed, the pain will still bear itself on some days and make itself known. It might be more bearable now, and your wounds may have started to heal, but every once in a while, on holidays, anniversaries, and birthdays, it will hurt. And it will always hurt.

7. To Value Those Around You

Losing a parent early makes you cherish the people around you. You know, after all, from firsthand experience, that life is short. The grief you went through at a young age has made you stronger, but you've softened too, and you've learned to treat everyone with kindness and to shower them with as much love as you can give.

8. Love Is Stronger Than Death

Even if they're not physically here anymore, your memories of them live on. Your love for them lives on. Every time you hear their favorite song, remember a joke they used to tell, or snack on something they used to eat, that love blooms anew. Death could never take that away.

9. Memories Are Precious

Whether it's an old sock or a voice note you saved years back, these memories are precious. Sometimes, they're the only things we have. You might have even learned to write down these recollections, because your memory might fail you as more years pass. Then, every time you read them back, you can relive them all over again.

10. You Never Know What You Have Until It’s Gone

Ah, the old cliché saying. This expression might not have meant so much to you back then, but after you lose a loved one, the meaning hits you harder than ever. You truly never know what you have—and how precious it is—until it's pried away from you.

11. Time Heals

Time is unforgiving, but it does help us heal. It helps us to process our emotions and to find our footing again, no matter how much we stumble in those first few months. It forces us to move forward, and it can be hard, but it's necessary and needed.

12. Not to Take Anything for Granted

The loss of a parent also teaches us not to take anything for granted. After all, you've been through it once and you know what it's like to lose someone you love, to have them taken away from you when you weren't ready.

13. Moving on Is Different from Moving Forward

There's a difference between moving on and moving forward. Moving on sounds like you're wiping the memory from your mind, while moving forward means you're accepting the way life has unfolded, no matter how unfair. To move forward is to understand how to healthily process our emotions and struggles, instead of burying and suppressing them to pretend we're okay.

14. Dreams Can Be Alternate Realities

Sometimes, our loved ones reappear in our dreams. In them, they're healthy, normal, completely fine. These dreams might even feel awfully lifelike—so much so that they're almost alternate realities. Yet, as much as we want to hold on, we inevitably have to wake up.

15. How Short Your Childhood Is

Losing a parent early cuts your childhood short. You no longer have the luxury you see other kids having, with their parents picking them up from school, attending their graduations, supporting them silently. Instead, you have to accept the fact that your formative years will look different—and that's okay.

16. Talking About Them Keeps Their Memory Alive

Even if they're no longer physically here, talking about them keeps their memories alive. Every time you remember something they did or said, you're honoring them in the only way you know how.

17. How Fast You Have to Grow Up

With your childhood cut short, you inevitably have to learn how to grow up much earlier and faster than other kids. You learn how to be careful with your words, to take each day more slowly, to build yourself stronger, to be kind. Most of all, you learn to be independent.

18. There Is No More "Perfect Time" Than Now

You also learn that there is never a "perfect time." After all, each moment is precious, and standing idly and waiting for the perfect moment to come will only waste your time. There will never be a better time than now, the current moment you're living, so get up and do it.

19. How Unimportant Your Everyday Stresses Are

Sure, homework is hard, exams are hard, work is hard—but your everyday stresses aren't "problems," they're just things you have to get done. In the long run, they're practically unimportant; at least, they will never be as important as your health, your family, your friends, and your life.

20. To Live with Intention

Above all, losing a parent early teaches you to live with intention. You'll always carry the grief and the pain with you, but you know that it's also important to live happily and make new memories, and to never take life itself for granted.