Top 8+ ways you can identify if someone is a toxic person – or if you are

1. They're manipulative, 2. They're judgmental, 3. They don't take responsibility for their feelings, 4. They don't say sorry, 5. They are inconsistent, 6. They make you prove yourself, 7. They make you defend yourself, 8. They're not caring or supportive

Like it or not, chances are you will at some point in your life have come across a toxic person - whether it's a family member, colleague or friend who turned out to be anything but. Dealing with that particular individual can be a draining and stressful experience, especially if there were no warning signs to suggest you could be in for a boatload of toxicity. So how can you tell if someone is the type you should avoid due to toxic habits - and more importantly, how can you avoid developing said habits yourself? Enter Psychology Today, who have shared eight personality traits which suggest a person might be toxic. Read on to find out what they are... (Picture: Getty Images)

1. They're manipulative

1. They're manipulative, 2. They're judgmental, 3. They don't take responsibility for their feelings, 4. They don't say sorry, 5. They are inconsistent, 6. They make you prove yourself, 7. They make you defend yourself, 8. They're not caring or supportive

Kicking off with an obvious trait: manipulation. Making sure everything revolves around their wants and needs is something which toxic people thrive on. Writing in Psychology Today, psychiatrist Abigail Brenner MD says: 'Their modus operandi is to get people to do what they want them to do. It’s all about them. They use other people to accomplish whatever their goal happens to be. Forget what you want; this is not about equality in a relationship—far from it' (Picture: Getty Images)

2. They're judgmental

1. They're manipulative, 2. They're judgmental, 3. They don't take responsibility for their feelings, 4. They don't say sorry, 5. They are inconsistent, 6. They make you prove yourself, 7. They make you defend yourself, 8. They're not caring or supportive

If all you ever hear from your friend, relative or colleague is judgment over everything you say, do or don't do- or you find yourself judging others constantly in similar fashion - well, that's a toxic trait. Keep your eyes and ears open for criticism - especially if all of it is about you, and never about them. Similarly, if you find you or someone else judges a situation (such as a family gathering or a public event) before you even arrive, well that's regarded as toxic too (Picture: Getty Images/Image Source)

3. They don't take responsibility for their feelings

1. They're manipulative, 2. They're judgmental, 3. They don't take responsibility for their feelings, 4. They don't say sorry, 5. They are inconsistent, 6. They make you prove yourself, 7. They make you defend yourself, 8. They're not caring or supportive

Rather than taking responsibility for their feelings, a toxic person will project those feelings on to you instead. Dr Brenner notes that if you try and point this out to them they'll become defensive, taking no responsibility for almost any of their actions (Picture: Getty Images)

4. They don't say sorry

1. They're manipulative, 2. They're judgmental, 3. They don't take responsibility for their feelings, 4. They don't say sorry, 5. They are inconsistent, 6. They make you prove yourself, 7. They make you defend yourself, 8. They're not caring or supportive

If you're hoping for an apology for a toxic person if they hurt your feelings or did something wrong, you'll be waiting a long time - because another trait of toxicity is that they never say sorry. That's largely because, according to Psychology Today, they don't believe they have anything to apologise for, as everything is always someone else's fault. In some cases they may even try to orchestrate relationships for their own gain - or play the victim to get sympathy. So if you know someone who never says sorry when they're in the wrong - or you're that person - beware (Picture: Getty Images)

5. They are inconsistent

1. They're manipulative, 2. They're judgmental, 3. They don't take responsibility for their feelings, 4. They don't say sorry, 5. They are inconsistent, 6. They make you prove yourself, 7. They make you defend yourself, 8. They're not caring or supportive

It can be hard to know who you're with when it comes to a toxic person, as their moods can change from one minute to the next. They can be kind when they need to be (usually if they want something), but completely change tack if it means they get what they want (Picture: Getty Images)

6. They make you prove yourself

1. They're manipulative, 2. They're judgmental, 3. They don't take responsibility for their feelings, 4. They don't say sorry, 5. They are inconsistent, 6. They make you prove yourself, 7. They make you defend yourself, 8. They're not caring or supportive

If you're close to a toxic person, don't be surprised if they make you choose them over somebody else, or something they want over something you want. In relationship terms this can even extend to cutting off family and friends to keep them sweet. Dr Brenner explains: 'Often, this turns into a “divide and conquer” dynamic in which the only choice is them, even to the point of requiring you to cut off other meaningful relationships to satisfy them.' Should this happen to you, you might want to make a swift exit from that relationship, before things get any worse (Picture: Getty Images)

7. They make you defend yourself

1. They're manipulative, 2. They're judgmental, 3. They don't take responsibility for their feelings, 4. They don't say sorry, 5. They are inconsistent, 6. They make you prove yourself, 7. They make you defend yourself, 8. They're not caring or supportive

As well as proving yourself to them, a toxic person will also have trouble staying on point when it comes to certain issues because they're not interested in your opinion on issues, or resolving them. As Dr Brenner explains, toxic people are masters of manipulation, and may rely on such tactics as being vague and changing the focus of a discussion to how you're discussing it. This can mean changing your tone and your words. And if they focus on problems rather than solutions, well you have a toxic person on your hands (Picture: Getty Images)

8. They're not caring or supportive

1. They're manipulative, 2. They're judgmental, 3. They don't take responsibility for their feelings, 4. They don't say sorry, 5. They are inconsistent, 6. They make you prove yourself, 7. They make you defend yourself, 8. They're not caring or supportive

Finally, a surefire trait of a toxic person is someone who isn't caring or supportive when you need them to be. You should be wary of someone who doesn't celebrate your successes or good things that happen to you - but instead switches the focus to making things about them. And you should definitely beware of people who find fault with you where there's no reason to. In short, if you know someone who fits these traits, or you find yourself in a situation where all the focus is on them and their problems, then the red flags should be flying (Picture: Getty Images) This article was first published in July 2024

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