Reader's dilemma
'Where does the line fall?'
'Relationships work when decisions are shared'
'Consider proportional contributions to shared costs'

Are your friends racking up big drinks tabs and then trying to split the bill equally? Is your partner overspending on your joint account? No matter your dilemma, The i Paper’s money and business team will do our best to answer. Here, a reader asks where the line is drawn between compromise and subsidising someone’s lifestyle. (Photo: Maria Korneeva/Getty)

Reader's dilemma

A reader asks: “I’d dreamed of leaving Manchester for years. I love the city, but I’d started craving quieter streets, a garden, somewhere the local corner shop sells plants and tins of paint instead of cold brews and quirky snacks. So, when our tenancy was up on our one-bed flat in the city centre, which we’d lived in for three years, I suggested we move to a suburb about 45 minutes outside the city. My boyfriend was hesitant – he works near the city centre, and his commute would double in time. But I sold him the vision with the promise of cheaper rent, more space, and we’d be able to save for a house quicker. Eventually, he agreed. We found a lovely two-bed rental, and everything was fine for the first few months. Now he’s constantly moaning about the train delays and how much it’s costing him to get to work.” (Photo: Eric Latham/Getty)

'Where does the line fall?'

The reader continues: “Last week, he said he thinks that I should chip in towards his monthly travel costs. He said to me: “You’re the one who wanted to move. It’s not fair that I’m the one paying the price.” I was shocked because I thought he was ok with it now. We split rent and bills fifty-fifty, and although I did suggest the move, it wasn’t like I forced him. We both agreed to it. He is now paying about £150 more a month on commuting than he used to, which I understand is annoying, and he earns less than I do. I feel bad but is it really my responsibility to cover some of that? We’re not married. Where does the line fall between compromise and subsidising someone’s lifestyle? What should I do?” (Photo: Dominic Lipinski/Bloomberg via Getty)

'Relationships work when decisions are shared'

Emily Braeger, The i Paper’s money reporter, replies: “This is less about train fares and more about emotional equity – and you’re right to question where the financial line is drawn in a relationship. On the one hand, your boyfriend’s request isn’t totally unreasonable, even though the way it was handled sounds questionable. You initiated the move, and while he agreed, it sounds like he did so with some reluctance. If the benefits (like the space, savings, and the greenery) are skewed more in your favour – especially if you work remotely or have a shorter commute – it’s fair for him to feel the impact more than you. That said, relationships work best when decisions are shared – and so are consequences. He wasn’t dragged kicking and screaming to the suburbs. He agreed, and adults agree to things with full knowledge of the pros and cons. His longer commute is the result of a mutual decision.” (Photo: Keep It 100/Getty/Digital Vision)

'Consider proportional contributions to shared costs'

Emily continues: “Now, you earn more and that is another layer. If your financial imbalance means he’s struggling and you aren’t, then maybe the conversation isn’t about “paying for his commute” but how you both split your finances. It might make more sense to contribute proportionally to shared costs, like many couples do – even unmarried ones. The real red flag here is the way the request came about – not as a conversation, but as a bit of a blame shift. That’s worth unpacking. If he resents the move or your financial dynamic, those feelings need addressing honestly, not just via the railcard. My advice would be: don’t just say yes or no to his request. I’d sit down, talk through your budgets, and look at what’s fair together. Because commuting costs are temporary, but how you talk about money as a couple isn’t.” (Photo: Yui Mok/PA)