Top 12+ Parenting Phrases You Should Never Use (But They Still Show Up Everywhere)

“Because I Said So”

This phrase is a classic, but research shows it can be deeply unhelpful. According to a 2024 study by the Child Mind Institute, children are more likely to follow rules when they understand the reasons behind them.

“Because I said so” shuts down communication and discourages kids from asking questions or thinking for themselves. Kids who hear this regularly may feel powerless or resentful, which can hurt trust between parent and child.

Encouraging open dialogue fosters critical thinking and emotional intelligence. Experts recommend explaining your reasoning, even briefly, to help kids learn about boundaries in a healthy way.

“Stop Crying”

Telling a child to stop crying might seem like it helps, but it’s actually counterproductive. The American Psychological Association reports that dismissing a child’s emotions can increase anxiety and make them less likely to share feelings in the future.

Children learn to self-regulate by processing feelings, not burying them. When parents say “stop crying,” it sends the message that emotions are bad or inconvenient.

Instead, acknowledging a child’s feelings helps build resilience and emotional literacy, two skills highlighted in a 2023 Harvard University study as crucial for long-term mental health.

“You’re So Dramatic”

Labeling a child as “dramatic” invalidates their experience and can lead to shame. Data from the National Institutes of Health in 2024 found that children who feel belittled about their emotions are more likely to struggle with self-esteem and social skills.

This phrase can push children to bottle up feelings or doubt their own perceptions. Rather than minimizing their reaction, parents are encouraged to listen and empathize, helping children trust their emotions and learn appropriate ways to express them.

Emotional validation is linked to greater confidence and secure relationships later in life.

“Big Boys/Girls Don’t Get Scared”

Telling children that fear is a sign of weakness is a myth long disproven by science. The University of Michigan’s 2023 report shows that fear is a normal, healthy emotion—even for adults.

When parents say “big boys/girls don’t get scared,” it can lead to repression, anxiety disorders, and a reluctance to seek help. Encouraging kids to talk about their fears and supporting them through challenges builds real courage and coping skills.

Letting children know it’s okay to be scared creates a safer environment for them to grow.

“You’re Okay” (When They’re Clearly Not)

Brushing off a child’s pain with “you’re okay” can be confusing and isolating. The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) highlighted in 2025 that validating a child’s pain, whether physical or emotional, helps them develop trust and self-awareness.

Saying “you’re okay” may unintentionally teach kids to ignore their bodies and feelings. Instead, acknowledging their discomfort and offering comfort provides reassurance and models empathy.

This approach leads to better emotional regulation and reduces the risk of internalizing problems like depression.

“If You Don’t Stop, I’ll Leave Without You”

Threatening abandonment as a discipline tactic can have serious psychological effects, according to a 2024 review in the Journal of Child Psychology and Psychiatry. Children who hear this phrase may develop separation anxiety or struggle with trust.

It uses fear rather than guidance, which undermines a child’s sense of security. Positive discipline techniques, like giving clear choices and consequences, are shown to be more effective and foster a safer connection between parent and child.

“Why Can’t You Be More Like Your Sibling?”

Comparing children to one another is a fast track to rivalry, resentment, and low self-worth. A 2023 study from Stanford University found that children who are frequently compared to siblings display higher levels of anxiety and are more likely to act out.

This phrase can make a child feel unloved or “less than,” damaging sibling relationships and family harmony. Celebrating each child’s unique qualities encourages self-acceptance and reduces competition.

“You’re So Lazy”

Calling a child “lazy” does more harm than good. The American Academy of Pediatrics published data in 2024 showing that negative labels can become self-fulfilling prophecies, causing children to internalize criticism and avoid challenges.

Often, what looks like laziness is actually a sign that a child is overwhelmed, tired, or needs support. Instead of name-calling, experts suggest exploring what’s really going on and offering gentle encouragement or problem-solving together.

“If You Loved Me, You’d…”

Guilt-tripping a child with this phrase manipulates their emotions and undermines trust. Research from the University of Toronto in 2025 points out that emotional manipulation can lead to long-term issues like people-pleasing, insecurity, and difficulty setting boundaries.

Love should never be conditional or used as leverage in parenting. Healthy family relationships are built on unconditional acceptance and open communication.

“Wait Until Your Dad/Mom Gets Home”

Deferring discipline to another parent often backfires. A 2023 survey by the National Parenting Association found that children whose parents use this phrase are more likely to fear one parent and disrespect the other.

It teaches kids to avoid responsibility and undermines the authority of the parent present. Consistent, immediate, and calm responses to behavior are more effective and build mutual respect within the family.

“You’re Fine, Toughen Up”

Research from the University of California, Berkeley in 2024 shows that dismissing pain or distress with “toughen up” can cause children to suppress emotions and struggle with vulnerability. While resilience is important, it should not come at the cost of emotional suppression.

Children who feel safe expressing their feelings are better equipped to handle stress and adversity as adults. Encouragement and support foster true resilience, not denial of feelings.

“I’m Disappointed in You”

Expressing disappointment in a child’s character, rather than their actions, can be deeply damaging. The Mayo Clinic’s 2025 guidance highlights that shame-based language increases risk for low self-esteem and mental health struggles.

It’s more constructive to focus on specific behaviors and discuss how to make better choices next time. Offering guidance, not guilt, helps children learn and grow while maintaining a strong, loving bond.