How to get your kids to listen to you without having to repeat

Wait until they’re paying attention, Give them a second chance, Use fewer words, See their point of view, Ask for cooperation, Stop multitasking, Listen to them, Say “yes” more, Give one command at a time, Pare down your demands, Say “thank you”, Don’t use “don’t”

If you want to get your kids to listen to you without having to repeat yourself, the No. 1 tip most experts recommend is to stop repeating yourself. Why? Repetition sends the message that your child doesn’t need to listen the first time. What does work? These 15 tactics.

Wait until they’re paying attention

Wait until they’re paying attention, Give them a second chance, Use fewer words, See their point of view, Ask for cooperation, Stop multitasking, Listen to them, Say “yes” more, Give one command at a time, Pare down your demands, Say “thank you”, Don’t use “don’t”

Don’t expect your child to hear what you’re saying if they’re also staring at a screen or making art. They’re distracted and focused on something else. To ensure they shift their attention to you, tap them on the shoulder and wait for them to be ready to receive what you have to say.

Give them a second chance

Wait until they’re paying attention, Give them a second chance, Use fewer words, See their point of view, Ask for cooperation, Stop multitasking, Listen to them, Say “yes” more, Give one command at a time, Pare down your demands, Say “thank you”, Don’t use “don’t”

If you find your child doesn’t hear what you’ve said after attempting to grab their attention, wait a few minutes and try to refocus them. They may require extra time to transition from one activity to another.

Use fewer words

Wait until they’re paying attention, Give them a second chance, Use fewer words, See their point of view, Ask for cooperation, Stop multitasking, Listen to them, Say “yes” more, Give one command at a time, Pare down your demands, Say “thank you”, Don’t use “don’t”

Kids don’t need a lot of words to understand a request or instructions. Using fewer words will ensure there’s less room for misinterpretation. Speak to your child calmly, pointedly, and with a smile on your face.

See their point of view

Wait until they’re paying attention, Give them a second chance, Use fewer words, See their point of view, Ask for cooperation, Stop multitasking, Listen to them, Say “yes” more, Give one command at a time, Pare down your demands, Say “thank you”, Don’t use “don’t”

No one likes to be interrupted, so when your kids don’t respond to your request to do something, acknowledge their feelings of frustration. Try saying: “I know you want to keep playing, and I understand that. Now, though, I need you to do XYZ.”

Ask for cooperation

Wait until they’re paying attention, Give them a second chance, Use fewer words, See their point of view, Ask for cooperation, Stop multitasking, Listen to them, Say “yes” more, Give one command at a time, Pare down your demands, Say “thank you”, Don’t use “don’t”

Instead of bombarding your child with repetitive requests to do something, ask them for their cooperation in completing a task. You can say something like “I could really use your help since it’s bath time. Do you want to do it now or in five minutes?” Once they’ve decided when they want to hit the bath, have them seal the deal with a pinky promise.

Stop multitasking

Wait until they’re paying attention, Give them a second chance, Use fewer words, See their point of view, Ask for cooperation, Stop multitasking, Listen to them, Say “yes” more, Give one command at a time, Pare down your demands, Say “thank you”, Don’t use “don’t”

It’s so easy to bark commands at a child when rushing around doing other things, but kids are less likely to listen if they find you’re not focused on the ask you have of them. So put down your phone or pause whatever activity you’re doing and shift your energy toward the task at hand.

Listen to them

Wait until they’re paying attention, Give them a second chance, Use fewer words, See their point of view, Ask for cooperation, Stop multitasking, Listen to them, Say “yes” more, Give one command at a time, Pare down your demands, Say “thank you”, Don’t use “don’t”

Instead of staring down your child for not doing something, sit down beside them and open up the lines of communication by asking them why they’re not listening or how you can be a more effective communicator for them. This will get them proactively involved in the household task process and will role-model how communication issues are handled within your family.

Say “yes” more

Wait until they’re paying attention, Give them a second chance, Use fewer words, See their point of view, Ask for cooperation, Stop multitasking, Listen to them, Say “yes” more, Give one command at a time, Pare down your demands, Say “thank you”, Don’t use “don’t”

Kids learn through observation. When their requests are constantly met with a “no,” what parents may actually be teaching them is how to say “no” to the requests they receive. A simple way to get your kids to listen, then, is to turn a “no” into a “yes.” Instead of “No, you can’t have chips right now,” try “I love chips! Let’s go to the store this weekend to grab some!”

Give one command at a time

Wait until they’re paying attention, Give them a second chance, Use fewer words, See their point of view, Ask for cooperation, Stop multitasking, Listen to them, Say “yes” more, Give one command at a time, Pare down your demands, Say “thank you”, Don’t use “don’t”

Children, generally, have a hard time remembering more than one thing at a time. If you want them to listen to you—and actually do what you’ve asked—request one thing at a time. Instead of “put your toys away, brush your teeth, and do the dishes,” try starting with “put your toys in the bin.”

Pare down your demands

Wait until they’re paying attention, Give them a second chance, Use fewer words, See their point of view, Ask for cooperation, Stop multitasking, Listen to them, Say “yes” more, Give one command at a time, Pare down your demands, Say “thank you”, Don’t use “don’t”

Kids are constantly being bombarded with “orders”—from parents, teachers, sometimes friends. So pare down the overparenting and ask your kids to focus on completing only what’s essential. Do you need them to have an all-matching ensemble or is brushing their teeth more important? Letting unimportant things slide will reduce the opportunity for friction between everyone.

Say “thank you”

Wait until they’re paying attention, Give them a second chance, Use fewer words, See their point of view, Ask for cooperation, Stop multitasking, Listen to them, Say “yes” more, Give one command at a time, Pare down your demands, Say “thank you”, Don’t use “don’t”

One sneaky trick to make your kids do something you want without complaint? Thank them for tackling the task ahead of time. “Thank you for putting on your shoes!” or “you’re going to do great at eating that piece of fruit” show you (will) appreciate them doing what you’ve asked. Appreciation toward kids can engender even better behaviour.

Don’t use “don’t”

Wait until they’re paying attention, Give them a second chance, Use fewer words, See their point of view, Ask for cooperation, Stop multitasking, Listen to them, Say “yes” more, Give one command at a time, Pare down your demands, Say “thank you”, Don’t use “don’t”

Much like “no,” “don’t” is a negative phrase that will automatically turn your kids off of listening to you. It can also be confusing because whenever you say “don’t do that!”, what you’re actually saying is “don’t do anything.” Affirm what you need your child to do instead of telling them what not to do. The instructions are clearer.

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