Top 10+ Far Side Comics That You Definitely Shouldn’t Take Relationship Advice From

Gary Larson’s The Far Sideis famous for its satirical humor and absurd scenarios, but it often forays into the complicated nature of intimate relationships, frequently with disastrous results. While always hilarious, many of these Far Side couples can be surreally dysfunctional and clueless. While these comics are great for a good laugh, try to avoid taking any relationship advice from The Far Side.

Relationships can be tricky. However, if you’re ever in the market for relationship advice, don’t look to The Far Side for help. Gary Larson’s work is meant to draw out hearty chuckles and thought-provoking inquiries, not patch over rocky relationships. His colorful cast of characters is meant to be made fun of, not emulated. Whether your relationship is looking rocky or you’re looking to go on a first date, look to these Far Side comics for a good laugh, not good advice.

Oh, Wonderful - You’re Early

First Published: November 18, 1986

A porcupine arrives early to his date.

While punctuality is certainly important in all aspects of life, especially in relationships, it’s never a good idea to rush yourself or your partner. In this Far Side comic, a porcupine has just arrived early at his date’s house, only to find her still preparing for their night out. Despite the porcupine’s best intentions, his date wasn’t ready to be seen, ruining what would have been a beautiful reveal, that is for a porcupine of course.

However, there is a lesson here: Don’t rush your date. Timing is everything and nobody wants to feel like they’re being pushed or rushed. Especially during the early dating period, looking your best is important, and it's important to take your time to do so. So, next time you have a wonderful date lined up, try not to get too excited and show up early because you may just ruin your date’s surprise.

Don’t Use Your X-Ray Vision

First Published: April 29, 1983

Louis asks Superman not to use his x-ray vision at game night.

Once we grow into adulthood, maintaining friendships is hard. When you’re married it only gets harder, which is why it’s important to keep the relationships you do have friendly. However, it doesn’t seem like this Far Side superhero got the memo. Here, Superman and his wife discuss their upcoming game night with another couple, as his wife nags the hero for using X-ray vision to cheat at the card game.

It seems, however, that this is a recurring stunt with Superman as his wife continues saying, “If you promise not to use your X-ray vision, Warren promises not to bring his Kryptonite.”Not only has the Man of Steel been cheating thus far, but he’s done so so many times that the other couple has had to come up with a deterrent. Keep your friends close and try not to cheat on the next game night.

You’re Not Even Drawn Yet

First Published: June 21, 1982

A couple prepares to go on a date, but the man isn't drawn yet.

As discussed earlier, punctuality is important. And, while you shouldn’t rush your date by arriving early, you definitely shouldn’t ruin a night out by running late. In this comic panel, a couple is supposed to go out on a date, but, while the wife is ready, the husband isn’t even prepared to leave. In fact, he hasn’t even been drawn yet. “We’re supposed to leave in five minutes and you’re not even drawn yet,”she exclaims as her husband lounges around.

As we get older, and our relationships age with time, it’s important to keep the spark going and little dates every once in a while can certainly help. However, if one partner fails to take these late relationship dates seriously, it only threatens to wedge a divide that will grow in time. If you really love your partner, try not to keep them waiting, like this husband from The Far Sideforces his wife to wait.

She Called Me A Bozo

First Published: November 11, 1981

A clown is upset at marriage counseling because his wife called him a "bozo"

Gary Larson loved to use clowns in The Far Side just as much as he loves a straight-forward punchline. Here, a clown and his wife are attending marriage counseling, just as the wife has called him “Bozo.” “Bozo? Did you hear that? She called me bozo!”the clown says in response to his wife’s callous comment. Yet, of course, the humor lies in the fact that “Bozo” is one of the most well-known clown names while also being considered a common insult.

Yet, even if your once-wonderful marriage is looking rocky and is in need of professional counseling, it’s never a good idea to insult your partner, intentionally or unintentionally. It’s an even worse idea to do so passive-aggressively as it seems that this cartoonish wife is doing here. While there’s nothing wrong with seeking marriage counseling, try not to emulate the chaotic divide that is pulling this Far Side couple apart.

Marriage Counseling With Tarzan

First Published: April 3, 1987

Tarzan and Jane are at marriage counseling.

Here’s another great example of a good marriage gone wrong that ultimately leads to couples counseling. In this comic, an older Tarzan and Jane are in a marriage counselor’s office, as Tarzan continues to act like an ape. Jane, exasperated by her husband’s actions, as she exclaims, “Lord of the jungle?.. Ha! You couldn’t make Lord of the compost pile!”Clearly, this relationship has soured well beyond repair based on Jane’s exhausted response.

Once again, there’s nothing wrong with couples counseling in any way, but once you’ve gotten to the point that these two have, it may be too late. Granted, the fault completely lies with Tarzan who refuses to hear Jane’s complaints. If there’s anything to take away from this horrible couple from The Far Side, is that communication and understanding are key. Tarzan needs to listen to his wife more, but Jane could understand the impact that Tarzan’s upbringing would have.

Not On Our First Date

First Published: February 15, 1984

A clown prepares to throw a pie at his date's face.

“Hold it right there, Charles! … Not on our first date, you don’t,”a clownish woman says to her equally clownish date. In this comic panel, two clowns are about to go out on a date when the male clown rears back and prepares to launch a pie straight into the woman’s face. While this comedic couple may be known for their professional antics and colorful lifestyle, there’s a time and a place for pie-throwing, and right before a big date is not it.

First dates are the foundation of any relationship; it’s important to make a good first impression. It’s a horrible idea, however, to bring your work into your relationship, especially when it’s as messy as this clown’s. That said, the female clown did clearly say that pie-throwing wasn’t allowed on the first date, insinuating that at some point they may get to throw pies at each other. Although, we wouldn’t suggest doing that to your date.

Spider Personal Ads

First Published: February 12, 1987

A spider reads through spider personals

There are plenty of ways to meet potential partners. Oftentimes, we meet our loved ones through the circumstances of life. Nowadays, dating apps are one of the most common ways to go on dates. However, there was a time when personal ads in the paper were a prevalent means to pick up a new relationship. That said, personal ads can lead to some exceptionally dangerous situations, just like in this Far Side comic.

Here, a spider is looking through his paper’s “Spider Personals” as he desperately searches for a potential date. However, every single advertisement in the paper is from a black widow, a type of spider well-known for eating their male partners after mating. Any date this male spider can go on will only end in an ultimately deadly encounter, even if the first date goes amazing. Maybe next time the male spider should stick to modern dating apps.

Bad Excuses To Call Off A Date

First Published: April 3, 1992

Two women come up with bad excuses to call off a date.

There’s nothing wrong with calling off a date if you’re not feeling it. Sometimes, you decide you don’t like the other person, while at other times you just feel too lazy to go out. However, if you’re going to cancel a date, have a decent and honest excuse, unlike these women from The Far Side. Here, two women call off their date in varying degrees of lying.

While one woman claims she simply has to wash her hair, the other has made up an elaborate excuse to get out of her date. “I have to write my favorite detergent company and tell them how much I love their product,”she explains to her date. All that said, while the former excuse is well enough believable, the second excuse is an admittedly entertaining attempt that is sure to give the other person a laugh.

Acting Shy And Vulnerable

First Published: January 9, 1982

A meek man prepares to ask a woman on a date.

While we often love things like puppies and babies because of their relatively docile, vulnerable, innocence, those qualities aren’t always appreciated in adults. In this comic, a meek and minuscule man is sitting at a bar, looking up at a woman next to him as he thinks to himself, “Well, here goes… If I just remember to act shy and vulnerable.”However, this tactic may not work as well as the man hopes.

Gary Larson seems to be suggesting that women aren’t looking for weakness or meagerness in men, but instead searching for someone sociable and strong. While there’s nothing particularly wrong with being shy and vulnerable, that’s certainly not a quality that looks good in the early stages of dating. Unfortunately for this man from The Far Side, his attempt to pick up the woman will most likely cause him to fall flat on his face.

I Gotta Try Your Garlic Wharf Rats

First Published: January 22, 1988

Two snakes are at a candlelight dinner.

Every great first date ultimately ends up with an even better first kiss. However, if you have any inclination that you will get to smooch your partner at the end of the night, it’s best to be prepared and make sure your breath smells great. But, that doesn’t seem to be the case with these anthropomorphized snakes. Here, two snakes are out at a candlelit dinner as they glance over the menu.

“Well, this may not be wise on a first date,” the male snake says, “but I just gotta try your garlic wharf rats.” Among all the pungent odors that could emanate from someone’s mouth, garlic has to rank above them all. This would, of course, make a kiss, especially a first kiss, horrifically foul and ultimately kill the spark. If you’re looking for relationship advice from The Far Side, don’t follow in the slithering footsteps.