Hannah George was once ghosted by a man she’d been seeing for several weeks. She never wanted to make anyone else feel that way, so she adopted a new approach: texting guys after mediocre first dates to say she wasn’t interested.

Recently, the 24-year-old nutrition assistant in New York was on the receiving end of such a text. A man she’d been out with once sent a paragraph-long message about how he’d just spent time with his family, how it had made him nervous about what he wanted in a relationship and how he just couldn’t be with her.

“I thought it was a little bit too long,” says George. “You didn’t mean this much to me.”

There’s a moment after a dud of a first date—and definitely after a bad one—when the disappointed parties think to themselves: I really hope I don’t hear from that person again. The odds of that are getting slimmer.

Singles are practically racing to let their online matches know that they aren’t a match.

Now please don’t get them wrong: They think you’re great, just not great for them. But they really did have a lovely time and enjoyed the conversation. They might even hope to see you around. Most of all though, they wish you the best.

Hannah George sends breakup texts after first dates, but was on the receiving end of one she said was too much.

These texts have arisen as a countermovement to ghosting, or ending contact without explanation. Stories abound of people vanishing after seeing someone for weeks or even months, leaving the person on the other side without answers. The practice, while still common, has been falling out of favor.

But everyone has their own idea of what constitutes proper post-first-date protocol. Some believe it essential to send the text within hours, even if you’re unsure how the other person felt, to avoid confusion. It’s polite, even admirable. Others have a rule that you must wait to see if the other party engages and says what a great time they had. Only then can you break up with them.

Fiona Duerr, 29 and from San Francisco, says multiple times she’s received texts from guys after one date telling her they aren’t interested when she had no interest in them and zero intention of following up. The move borders on competitive, and she suspects an ego trip might be at play.

“It’s almost like who can get to it first,” she says. “Why reject someone when they were not even asking to be rejected?”

Duerr, who works in brand strategy, has been tempted to reply with, “It wasn’t fun by the way.” Instead, she takes the high road. If she’s expressed interest in her date, then she appreciates an honest text. But otherwise there’s nothing wrong with both remaining silent, a “mutual ghost.” It’s certainly better than “breaking up with somebody you’re not even in a relationship with.”

José Ramos says sending a text wishing a date the best should be the ‘default.’

José Ramos, 36 and a product manager from Orlando, Fla., went on two dates with a woman and wasn’t feeling it. While in the process of petering out communication—attempting a slow fade instead of a full ghost—his therapist suggested he just be honest. He worked up the courage to text the woman and say: I had a good time meeting you but it’s not really what I’m looking for at this time. I wish you the best.

Ever since, Ramos has been up front with his dates from the jump. Even if he hasn’t heard from the woman after they’ve met, and regardless of whether he believes the lack of connection was mutual, he sends a similar message.

“The default should be to send that text,” he says.

Ramos once got a message from a woman cutting things off after one date, which surprised him: The two had discussed a second date while on their first. But the woman told him there were certain things she wasn’t feeling and wished him the best.

“I appreciated it,” he says. “I wished her the best as well.”

Dating coach Blaine Anderson advises clients to send the not-feeling-it text after a date or two when the woman has indicated some interest.

Blaine Anderson, an Austin-based dating coach and matchmaker for men, says people increasingly want to be on the right side of ghosting. Anderson advises clients to send the not-feeling-it text after a date or two when the woman has indicated some interest. If she hasn’t done so, you can assume the feeling is mutual.

“If the other party does reach out and indicate wanting to get back together, then it is always appropriate to say something along the lines of, ‘I really appreciate you taking the time to meet,’” says Anderson, adding, “I don’t think this is a romantic fit. I wish you the best.”

Sailesh Doraiswamy, 31 and from Los Angeles, doesn’t want to leave anyone hanging after a first date, so he’ll proactively reach out within a day or two to share how he feels.

“A lot of women have that expectation that the guy is going to reach out,” he says.

Doraiswamy, who works in IT for a nonprofit, added that both men and women should be sending this type of text to make sure there’s no ambiguity. He’s yet to receive a negative response.