August 16: National Roller Coaster Day
Every August 16th, Americans across the land of funnel cakes and poor judgment unite to celebrate National Roller Coaster Day—a holiday dedicated to voluntarily defying physics, common sense, and whatever you ate for lunch.
Let's hope this one is in motion and not a photo of a tragedy unfurling. (bertl123/depositphotos)
It’s a day where we collectively agree that strapping into a metal contraption, designed by someone named Chad in engineering school, and getting yeeted around at 70 mph is somehow “fun.”
A Brief History of “WHEEEEEE!”
Roller coasters date back to the 17th-century Russian ice slides—giant wooden ramps covered in ice that people would slide down because TikTok hadn’t been invented yet. Fast forward a few centuries, and we got the Loop the Loop in 1898 at Coney Island, which was basically a glorified wooden migraine generator.
Since then, we’ve advanced to rides with names like “The Intimidator,” “Steel Vengeance,” and “Mom, I Think I Peed a Little.” The technology has improved, but the basic idea remains the same: scare yourself so badly that you laugh, cry, and question your life choices all at once.
Today’s Coasters: Engineering Marvels or Vomit Throne?
Modern roller coasters are built with the precision of space shuttles and the budget of small nations. They twist, they drop, and they launch you into inversions like you’re a sock in a washing machine. Some go backward. Some go underground. In Japan, one literally gives riders “airtime,” which sounds poetic until your stomach tries to exit through your throat.
And let’s not forget virtual reality roller coasters, which combine the joy of motion sickness with the added bonus of motion sickness in a headset.
Coaster People vs. Coaster Cowards: A National Divide
At least one person is pretending to enjoy themselves! (rogkoff/depositphotos)
On National Roller Coaster Day, the population splits into two very distinct camps: The Screeching Adrenaline Junkies and The Bag Holders. The former can’t wait to be flung into the stratosphere at 80 mph with names like “The Bone Shatterer,” while the latter prefers to stay firmly planted on Earth, guarding backpacks and pretending to enjoy overpriced lemonade.
Coaster People are those brave souls who read safety warnings like they’re dares. They brag about G-forces and have rankings for airtime. Meanwhile, Coaster Cowards are busy Googling “how safe are roller coasters statistically” while dry-heaving at the thought of being upside down for 45 seconds.
But both are essential to the delicate ecosystem of amusement parks. One screams for joy, the other screams in fear, and together they form the harmony of summer chaos.
The True Thrill? Watching Your Friends Regret Everything
Let’s be honest: half the fun of National Roller Coaster Day isn’t riding—it’s watching your bravest friend confidently walk into “The Widowmaker” only to emerge ghost-pale and whispering prayers to the sky gods. Bonus points if they bought the on-ride photo and now must live with that face for eternity.
It’s also the only day you can justify eating eleven churros and a turkey leg the size of a toddler—because you earned it by surviving G-Force and mechanical squeaking.
Even roller coasters need to go to sleep… (bogdan.hoda/depositphotos)
Roller coasters are the only places where screaming in public, clutching a stranger, and making eye contact with your own mortality is not only acceptable—but encouraged. So buckle up, hold on tight, and remember: if you didn’t scream like a banshee, did you even celebrate?
