Jealousy comes in many forms: how to deal with it

Jealousy: an all-too-frequent feeling

Almost everyone has experienced jealousy. It enters many  relationships, especially in close bonds such as those between couples, friends and family.

Anger, fear and humiliation

It's a complex emotion that encompasses uncomfortable feelings, from anger to fear and humiliation.

Jealousy is seen as a threat

Generally, jealousy is aroused when we feel a threat to a valuable relationship, and many people describe it as a feeling of a worrisome trouble.

Fear of losing someone

Robin Stern, psychoanalyst and associate director of the Yale Center for Emotional Intelligence, explained to NBC News that jealousy happens when we fear that a relationship will become less important in the eyes of the other person. ‘It's that feeling of “I might lose you somehow”,’ he said.

Each person reacts in a different way

However, each person reacts differently, depending on their personality and sentimental background.

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The importance of recognising jealousy

Author Kathy Labriola, in her book ‘The Jealousy Workbook’, emphasises the importance of being able to identify which feelings are triggered by jealousy, in order to be able to deal with it better.

Feelings of jealousy

A person might feel angry, for example, because their partner has decided to go and enjoy happy hour with work colleagues. They may also feel sad because they've lost their undivided attention. The most important thing, according to Labriola, is to identify which feelings prevail.

Normal jealousy

Jealousy can be considered normal if it occurs in specific circumstances, such as the example mentioned above: feeling excluded when your partner spends many hours in the company of work colleagues.

Jealousy is understandable

In this context, jealousy is perfectly understandable, since the extra time that one of the partners has spent in the office has reduced the amount of time that the couple are spending together. This loss has had an impact on the closeness between the two, explains Baland Jalal, a neuroscientist at the University of Cambridge's School of Clinical Medicine, to NBC News.

Jealousy and tension

But when jealousy generates more intense and uncomfortable feelings, such as anguish, anger or fear, we should be careful, as it can be a demonstration of fragility and insecurity. In these cases, it's worth seeking help to alleviate crises and investigating which personality trait has led to these negative feelings.

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Why do we feel jealousy?

According to Psychologie Today, studies have identified that one of the factors that causes intense jealousy is low self-esteem. Thus, the person who feels jealous believes that they are not good enough to maintain a relationship and that their partner could leave them for someone better.

Fear of abandonment

Another factor that often triggers jealousy is the fear of abandonment.

Neurotic jealousy

When jealousy is constant and leads to obsessive attitudes, such as repeatedly trying to ‘catch’ your partner by going through their clothes and personal belongings. This can be a sign of neuroticism.

Warning

If this is the case, jealousy becomes toxic to the relationship and should be taken care of, Daniel Freeman, professor of clinical psychology at Oxford Freeman University, told NBC New.

Trust

Trust is fundamental to any healthy and prosperous relationship. Jealousy, on the other hand, fuels suspicion, doubt and mistrust, and can trigger a cascade of intense emotions and behaviours, Freeman added.