Top 10+ Discipline Tricks That Don't Work With Toddlers (Yet Most Parents Still Try)

Physical Punishment and Spanking

You'd think we'd have learned by now, but spanking remains one of the most common disciplinary methods parents use - and it's completely ineffective. Nearly 400 million children under 5 globally endure psychological aggression or physical punishment at home, with around 330 million being punished by physical means.

Nearly one-third of parents in the United States report spanking their children every week, despite mounting research showing its harmful effects. Research concludes that spanking is ineffective at best and harmful to children at worst.

Children who were hit at three years of age were 50% more aggressive at age five, and spanked children exhibited greater brain response, suggesting that spanking can alter children's brain function in similar ways to severe forms of maltreatment. Children report fear, anger, and sadness when they are spanked, feelings that interfere with their ability to internalize parents' disciplinary messages.

Think about it - when you're scared or angry, are you really listening to the lesson being taught?

Time-Outs in Isolation

The traditional time-out method has parents marching their toddlers to a corner or designated chair, leaving them alone to "think about what they've done." But here's the reality check: toddlers don't have the cognitive ability to reflect on their actions the way adults do. When data were reanalyzed to compare pre- to post-intervention changes in compliance, spanking was not found to be more effective than time-outs at increasing children's immediate compliance.

What's worse is that isolation can feel like abandonment to a toddler whose brain is still developing emotional regulation skills. Instead of teaching self-control, traditional time-outs often escalate the situation.

The child becomes more distressed, the parent becomes more frustrated, and nobody learns anything constructive. If a child is having a tantrum then their time should start when they have calmed down and can keep it under control for the duration of the timeout.

But expecting a toddler to calm themselves down while isolated is like expecting them to tie their shoes before they understand shoelaces.

Yelling and Verbal Aggression

Aversive disciplinary strategies, including all forms of corporal punishment and yelling at or shaming children, are minimally effective in the short-term and not effective in the long-term. Yet parents continue to raise their voices, thinking volume equals authority.

What actually happens is that children either tune out completely or become scared and anxious. Toddlers and preschoolers hear the words "no," "stop," and "quit" many times during the day.

This is normal and one of the ways they learn right from wrong. The irony is that yelling teaches children that big emotions should be expressed through volume and aggression.

You're modeling the exact behavior you're trying to stop. When parents yell about not hitting, they're essentially saying "use your words" while demonstrating the opposite.

Children learn more from what we do than what we say, and constant yelling creates a household where everyone operates at a heightened emotional state.

Bribing and Reward Charts

Modern parenting has embraced reward charts and sticker systems as the "positive" alternative to punishment, but these methods often backfire spectacularly. Many parents who use reward charts have to keep using them, or resorting to more and more extreme methods of bribery to elicit the behavior they want in their children.

It may only be a sticker today, but how do you get a 12 year old to 'behave' when they are no longer interested in stickers? Parents end up feeling as though they are desperately bribing their children to comply.

Kids can come to expect something extra for simply executing their daily responsibilities, which can in turn lead to a false sense of entitlement. Alfie Kohn has referred to numerous studies where systems of punishment and reward have reduced motivation and performance.

For example, children given a sweet as a reward for doing well in a test did worse in the next test compared to those who weren't given a sweet. The problem is that external rewards undermine intrinsic motivation - the natural desire to do the right thing because it feels good.

Threatening Future Consequences

How many times have you heard a parent say "Wait until your father gets home" or "No screen time for a week"? Toddlers live in the present moment, and threats about future consequences are meaningless to their developing brains.

Little children are most often not understanding the "cause and effect" relationship. A toddler who throws a tantrum at 2 PM has no emotional connection to losing dessert at 6 PM.

These delayed consequences also create anxiety and anticipation that can actually make behavior worse. The child spends the day worried about what's coming rather than learning from their actions.

Plus, parents often forget to follow through on these threats, teaching children that consequences are negotiable and parent's words don't really matter.

Removing Privileges and Taking Things Away

Taking things away does not teach the child new skills or get to the root of the child's behavior. It can feel effective in the moment because a child may be highly motivated to have a certain item or activity back.

When parents take away toys, screen time, or activities, they're using punishment without teaching alternatives. A toddler who hits their sibling and loses their favorite toy hasn't learned how to express frustration appropriately.

This method also creates a power struggle where the focus shifts from the behavior to the punishment. Children become resentful rather than reflective, and they often find ways to sneak around the consequences.

The underlying behavior continues because the root cause - usually an unmet need or underdeveloped skill - remains unaddressed.

Ignoring All Negative Behavior

The "ignore it and it will go away" approach might work for attention-seeking behavior, but it's dangerous when applied broadly. Some parents think that any response to negative behavior reinforces it, so they ignore everything from whining to aggression.

This leaves toddlers feeling unheard and often escalates their behavior as they desperately try to communicate their needs. Ignoring also misses crucial teaching moments.

When a toddler is struggling with big emotions, they need guidance and support, not silence. The behavior is often a symptom of something deeper - tiredness, hunger, overwhelm, or simply not knowing how to express their needs appropriately.

By ignoring, parents miss the opportunity to teach and connect.

Demanding Immediate Compliance

Many parents expect toddlers to drop everything and comply immediately when given a direction. This approach ignores how toddler brains work - they need time to process information and transition between activities.

Demanding instant obedience often leads to power struggles and meltdowns that could have been avoided with better timing and expectations. Toddlers are naturally absorbed in their activities and don't have the executive functioning skills to quickly shift gears.

When parents demand immediate compliance, they're setting both themselves and their children up for failure. The child feels rushed and misunderstood, while the parent feels disrespected and frustrated.

Using Shame and Guilt

Phrases like "You're being bad" or "Mommy is disappointed in you" might seem less harsh than physical punishment, but they're equally damaging to a toddler's developing sense of self. Punishments which belittle, humiliate, denigrate, scapegoat, threaten, scare or ridicule the child are recognized as harmful by child development experts.

Shame-based discipline teaches children that they are bad people rather than that their behavior needs adjustment. This approach damages the parent-child relationship and can lead to long-term issues with self-esteem and emotional regulation.

Children who are regularly shamed learn to hide their mistakes rather than learn from them. They become focused on avoiding disappointment rather than developing internal motivation to do the right thing.

Reasoning Like They're Adults

Well-meaning parents often try to reason with toddlers using complex explanations and logical arguments. "If you don't share your toys, other children won't want to play with you" makes perfect sense to an adult brain but is completely lost on a 2-year-old.

The use of verbal methods of discipline through explanation and reasoning are likely to provide the child with more cognitive stimulation than the use of corporal punishment, but they must be age-appropriate. Toddlers are concrete thinkers who struggle with abstract concepts like cause and effect, especially when emotions are involved.

Long explanations often overwhelm them and can actually increase their distress. Simple, clear communication works much better than philosophical discussions about behavior choices.

Conclusion

The research is clear: traditional punitive discipline methods don't work with toddlers and often make behavior worse. Researchers link corporal punishment to an increased risk of negative behavioral, cognitive, psychosocial, and emotional outcomes for children.

Preschool and school age children who have been spanked are more likely to develop anxiety and depression disorders or have more difficulties engaging positively in schools and skills of regulation. Instead of relying on these outdated methods, parents need to understand that toddlers are still developing the skills we expect them to use.

Their brains are growing, their emotions are big, and they need guidance, not punishment. The goal isn't immediate compliance - it's raising children who can think for themselves, regulate their emotions, and make good choices because they want to, not because they're afraid of consequences.

What's most shocking is that many of these ineffective methods persist despite decades of research showing they don't work. Are we really going to keep doing the same things and expecting different results?