Top 9+ Things You Should Never Say to Your Kids (But Many Parents Still Do)

“Why can’t you be more like your sibling?”

Saying this to a child might seem harmless in the moment, but research shows it can spark long-term rivalry and damage self-esteem. A 2024 study from the University of Michigan found that children compared to siblings are more likely to develop anxiety and resentment, both towards their parents and their siblings.

Kids need to feel valued for who they are, not measured against someone else. Hearing this phrase can make them think they’re never enough in their parents’ eyes.

Instead, experts suggest focusing on each child’s unique strengths. This helps build confidence and trust within the family.

Even if you feel frustrated, it’s better to celebrate differences rather than draw comparisons.

“Stop crying, it’s not a big deal.”

Dismissing a child’s emotions can send a powerful message that their feelings don’t matter. According to a 2023 report from the American Psychological Association, children who feel invalidated are at higher risk for emotional difficulties later in life.

Telling a child to stop crying teaches them to bottle up emotions instead of working through them. Emotional intelligence experts recommend acknowledging feelings by saying things like, “I see you’re upset, let’s talk about it.” This approach fosters emotional resilience and trust.

Kids need to know it’s okay to express their emotions safely at home. Minimizing their feelings can backfire, making them feel alone or misunderstood.

“You’re so lazy.”

Labeling children with negative traits can have a lasting impact on self-worth. A 2024 survey by Child Mind Institute revealed that kids called “lazy” by their parents are more likely to struggle with motivation and self-image.

This kind of language doesn’t inspire change; instead, it often leads to shame and withdrawal. Experts stress the importance of separating behavior from identity.

It’s more helpful to address specific actions, like unfinished chores, than to attack a child’s character. Kids thrive when they’re encouraged, not criticized.

Changing your words can change their outlook.

“Because I said so.”

Relying on this phrase shuts down communication and can increase defiance. Developmental psychologists at Stanford University found in 2023 that children who understand the reasons behind rules are more likely to follow them and develop better decision-making skills.

Saying “because I said so” misses teachable moments and signals that their thoughts don’t count. Children are naturally curious and want to understand how the world works.

When parents explain their reasoning, kids feel respected and involved. Open dialogue helps build critical thinking and mutual respect in the family.

“You always mess things up.”

Using words like “always” is not just untrue, it’s harmful. According to a 2024 analysis by the National Institute of Child Health, children criticized in absolutes are more prone to anxiety and perfectionism.

This kind of language doesn’t leave room for growth or forgiveness. It can make kids afraid to try new things, worried they’ll just fail again.

Psychologists recommend focusing on the specific situation and offering support or guidance. Kids need to know that mistakes are part of learning, not a label they have to wear.

Encouragement goes much farther than blame.

“Big boys/girls don’t get scared.”

Shaming a child for being afraid can stunt their emotional growth. Recent findings from the 2025 Global Parenting Research Consortium show that children who are encouraged to talk about their fears develop stronger coping skills and emotional intelligence.

Telling a child not to be scared might seem motivating, but it actually teaches them to hide their feelings. Instead, it’s vital to validate those fears and help them work through them together.

This builds trust and teaches healthy ways to handle anxiety. Everyone gets scared—children just need to know it’s normal.

“You’re fine, stop overreacting.”

Minimizing a child’s pain or worry can make them feel invisible. The CDC’s 2023 Child Mental Health Report highlights that children whose emotions are dismissed are more likely to experience depression and withdrawal.

When a parent brushes off a child’s concerns, it sends a message that their feelings aren’t valid. Instead, listening and showing empathy helps kids process and move past difficult emotions.

Simple phrases like, “Tell me what’s going on,” can open the door to meaningful conversations. Kids deserve to have their feelings taken seriously, even if adults don’t always understand them.

“I’m disappointed in you.”

Expressing disappointment can cut deeply, especially coming from someone a child looks up to. A 2024 study from Harvard University found that children who often hear this phrase from parents are more likely to develop low self-esteem and avoidance behaviors.

Disappointment can feel like rejection, making kids afraid to take risks or be honest. Experts suggest focusing on the behavior, not the child’s worth.

For example, discuss the specific action and how it can be improved next time. Constructive feedback helps children learn, while constant disappointment can leave lasting emotional scars.

“If you keep doing that, I’ll leave you here.”

Threatening abandonment, even as a joke, can terrify a child. Research from the 2023 European Child Welfare Organization reports that kids exposed to threats of abandonment often develop trust issues and separation anxiety.

These threats are rarely forgotten and can undermine a child’s sense of security. Children depend on parents for safety and reassurance, not fear.

Instead of threats, setting clear and consistent boundaries helps kids understand expectations. A safe, predictable environment is key for healthy emotional development.