1. "Too bad all the people who know how to run this country are busy running taxicabs or cutting hair."
2. "I get up every morning and read the obituary column. If my name's not there, I eat breakfast."
7. "Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed."
11. "This is the sixth book I've written, which isn't bad for a guy who's only read two."
13. "I can't afford to die; I'd lose too much money."
14. "By the time you're eighty years old, you've learned everything. You only have to remember it."
16. "There are two kinds of cruises—pleasure and with children."
17. "When Jack Benny has a party, you not only bring your own scotch, you bring your own rocks."
20. "I love to sing, and I love to drink scotch. Most people would rather hear me drink scotch."

George Burns was an absolute character who really had a way with words, let's look back at his hilarious nuggets of wisdom!

1. "Too bad all the people who know how to run this country are busy running taxicabs or cutting hair."

2. "I get up every morning and read the obituary column. If my name's not there, I eat breakfast."

4. "When I was a boy, the Dead Sea was only sick."5. "If you live to be one hundred, you've got it made. Very few people die past that age."

7. "Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed."

8. "Nice to be here? At my age, it's nice to be anywhere."10. "I never go jogging; it makes me spill my martini."

11. "This is the sixth book I've written, which isn't bad for a guy who's only read two."

13. "I can't afford to die; I'd lose too much money."

14. "By the time you're eighty years old, you've learned everything. You only have to remember it."

16. "There are two kinds of cruises—pleasure and with children."

17. "When Jack Benny has a party, you not only bring your own scotch, you bring your own rocks."

19. "Young. Old. Just words. Inside we feel like our shoe size."

20. "I love to sing, and I love to drink scotch. Most people would rather hear me drink scotch."

22. "First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down."23. "I would go out with women my age, but there are no women my age."25. "Do you know what it means to come home at night to a woman who'll give you a little love, a little affection, a little tenderness? It means you're in the wrong house."